to fly.

2010-03-28T19:39:00.001+08:00

i can't take it - it's the culmination of 4+ years of passion and joy.

afraid. really afraid.

2010-01-16T23:12:00.002+08:00

this year onwards will be grueling, i realised.

one week into school, and i feel the horror of a lot of unfulfilled dreams. the burden of so many things that i need to do, and how to manage them.

indeed, the path out to freedom is filled with tons of booby traps that look like accelerating portals towards the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, but in reality merely set you back a few days, a few hours.

they call it a necessary evil though.

anyway, enough rambling.

some stuff that actually went through my not-as-astute mind (lack of usage mah, old and rusty and cranky alr) these few days:

we see the j1s, cute and cuddly and TALL (sigh), coming in just as we did last year. no no no this is not some emo shit rant about how i've grown up and all (though i could easily do that), but yeah it's about the j1s.

how do you spot the difference between a j1 and a j2! (besides uniform lah)

ans: see how fast they walk. j1s don't exactly walk very fast cos they 1 - don't exactly need to, 2 - aren't stressed enough yet, 3 - don't know the place well enough.

yes and in the span of one year, we see a similar cycle repeating. of people asking others where the mini-lts are (not that i do know where they are - are they in block d?), of queueing up at the bookshop for badges, of wandering around the school in frustration at not being able to find a toilet.

indeed, it's the whole same process of exploration and integration. even if the place they integrate into may be slightly different each time (when we came in the lifts weren't blocked off on levels 1M - 4), it's the whole process of adaptation into a new life that is at once foreign and familiar to us.

we emphatize with them; i was certain i had no idea where the entrances of each lt were.

we disagree with them; the positioning of each lt is actually rather straightforward and standard.

and as we grow up (with our juniors, just as our seniors did with us), the whole cycle repeats itself. it's actually interesting viewing your own development from a whole new perspective; now our juniors are a proxy for us one year ago, while our seniors one year ago are a proxy for us now.

actually, that wasn't the point. the point is this - how about the people who don't grow up?

to think about it, to these time-immune people, how does each batch differ from the rest? all of us exhibit the same traits - the same "where is the toilet?" questions, the same "can we not do tutorials?" attitudes, the same -westartponninglecturesastheyeargoesby- behaviour.

we are all intrinsically human, and identical after all.

so some food for thought - is there really something that makes a batch stand out?

anyway. i like this song! it's very very old, but then again i'm quite a late bloomer.

ohhh and and i take back my words about how prokofiev isn't genius enough. honestly, some melodies of his are pure genius. think sognando (op. 19), the soaring melody of the 1st mvt of op. 100, and a whole host of really inspired melodies that give him something else to boast about besides motor rhythms and dollops of sarcasm-laden music.

cockroaches

2009-12-25T23:10:00.003+08:00

sorry people, just came back from a trip to hong kong. though i did write a few essays over there when i had some time, and when i can extract them from my laptop i will. i am quite fond of some of the essays i wrote, so i shall be selective =D

apparently my last post was disastrous (i see people groaning hmm.) so i shall rectify that.

anyway, christmas was spent in a very gross fashion ill-befitting the day itself. basically, we had some spring cleaning at home - and spring cleanings don't usually go very nice especially when you have an insect infestation.

in this case, cockroaches decided to make themselves comfortable in one particularly nasty cabinet (nasty because it's not easy to clean).

being the only guy at home then, i was thus entrusted with the duty of getting rid of the problem. the problem however, was to figure out how to get rid of the problem. and the simplest method stared at me in the face - a bottle of roach spray.

and so i sprayed, literally gunning down each and every one of those monstrosities as if i was in charge of a firing squad.

my mum got a bit horrified at the way i took aim and fired - honestly, what ran through my brain then was just to fire and spray like nobody's business. she couldn't take it much longer, and said something which literally hit me hard on the head.

she commented, what i was doing was not much different from what the nazis did to all those jews - you make them breathe gas that kill them.

that was when i truly woke up and started thinking.

in this sense people can defend me and say that ultimately me killing roaches is completely different from hitler killing jews, because i'm killing pests while hitler killed people of his kind, his creed. and anyway, they were being nasty and coming out every night for dunnowhat, and given that my family would be really scared if they existed i wasn't doing the wrong thing anyway.

and surprisingly, i felt that way too.

who are we to take the lives of others, with a spray? my mum's analogy was in hindsight perfect - cockroaches are after all animals with a life, and what i did was exactly as she described it. it was systematic mass killing - you wage war on helpless creatures and basically overpower them.

that reminded me of a scene in ratatouille where the dad of the main rat told him about the horrors of Man against their species.

when i started clearing the corpses of those i killed, i realised the fundamental flaw in Man - that lower beings (or so they deem lower) are inherently overlooked and despised upon.

and for my own inability to discern that until my mum stepped in, i am ashamed of myself.

of jabs

2009-12-14T19:54:00.003+08:00

sorry for dumping this blog for the past few weeks, and as i promised a post today.

yup actually right, the owner of said blog is going away for 5-day maternity leave after he decided to do something nasty and fly overseas (gosh naughty naughty). goodies from the land of skyscrapers, mtrs and yuen yang shall adorn this place as soon as my very sweet sister decides to stop being nasty to me and lend me her pics of hk.

speaking of said flight (damn i heard united airlines suck, howhow.), i'm probably going to get a jab for flu/h1n1, whichever is more prevalent in hk (yeah it's SO GOING TO BE H1N1). either way (i don't really care whatever jab gets into my body), it's a jab.

crap.

i mean, right, it's a jab, and, right, jabs are so eeeew, like, you know, eeeew! and you know right, jabs are so, urghhhh, and, you know right, jabs creep you out, like, you know, (pretends to shiver), yeah.

i know, that was kinda fail, but anyway you got my point (NOT THAT I'M SOME AMERICAN BLONDE, unless you're colour blind). then again, i have not much of an option, i'm probably going to be chucked into a doc's clinic soon (i.e. on thurs gosh my life is sad), and i'll get a horrible needle of doom chucked into my as-of-yet-flabby arms.

damn.

okay, it's probably the more feminine side of me acting up, but in all seriousness i don't exactly look forward to it. it's less of the pain than the thought of it, i know. just thinking of something can really make you feel scared and stuff, you know. why do you think you wake up in cold sweat after dreaming that you came in 1 hr late for your GP A levels?

okay i did dream of that before. gosh this sounds like some confessional.

haha but while i can i'll promise to revive and resuscitate this blog (since it was nearly dead until i gave it the jab of life haha jab you know? irony much -.-)

*please don't facepalm pleaseeeeeee don't run awayyyyy D:*

tummy problems

2009-11-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

gosh i hate my tummy.

man in the mirror

2009-11-02T20:05:00.002+08:00

sorry, i was supposed to post long ago, but expect no activity for some time.

in light of everything that has happened, it's time to reflect.

and where else to start, than the man in the mirror?

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh
Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.

pain

2009-10-11T15:05:00.002+08:00

humans are such astute creatures.

got woken up today not by the traditional method, but the occasional voices i heard. guess it had to do with some stuff once again, but as much as it has gradually been the norm, i find myself uncomfortable once more.

but it's so true, once humans feel pain, they naturally get angry right? an avenue to translate pain into energy, negative energy that is, and that's so painful for others. i may have a test tomorrow, something i've dreamt of since time immemorial, but this can't leave my mind.

a man driven to desperation; what does he do? and then you feel that sense of pity, sadness at what fate does to humans sometimes - where's the love?

it's been 4 years, 4 long years since that debilitating disease struck. maybe it changed, but looking at him search even more crazily for a cure as compared to me searching for glenn gould's 1981 + 1955 goldberg variations recording, it's heartbreaking.

and yet again, moodswings never fail to make us pissed off, yet heartbroken - another supposed cure didn't conjure up the 'miracle' it was supposed to. hope rose, and accelerated down as soon as it rose.

and now, i want to wish that he'll be well. rid of his myriad of pain and illnesses, happy and cheerful as he usually is when some treatment works. before that treatment breaks his heart, just like all others have done.

come on, may your efforts be rewarded.

2009-10-05T22:21:00.001+08:00

today might just be the worst day of my life, i don't know.

promos

2009-10-01T19:46:00.002+08:00

promos is just proms with an O. like, Ohhhhh oh my gosh i thought it was as cool as proms! *panics*

yeah gp was badddd.

"You can't hide again, Potter," Voldemort snarled. "Lord Voldemort knows, he always knows."

"Oh yeah? What makes you think so?" Harry retorted.

"SILENCE!" Voldemort screamed.

Voldemort and Harry circled each other, eyes only on each others' wands.

"You have lived too long, Potter."

"Avada-"

"CETERIS PARIBUS!" Harry roared.

Everything else remained constant. Just that, Harry's body lay sprawled on the ground.

the mandatory once a week post

2009-09-24T22:42:00.002+08:00

okay wow so now my blog needs a change. will find a nicer skin after promos.

anyway, food for thought; what's our national language?

2009-09-17T21:00:00.002+08:00

crawling up again, standing up once more.

knowing that you've done it before, can you ever be satisfied with mediocrity?

which is why it hurts. that maybe they were flukes but then again.

juniors

2009-09-10T21:40:00.002+08:00

this effort sounds scant. like, i make an effort to blog once a week, but yeah i know.

the holidays are short, short but highly eventful. of course, there's this whole chain of food poisoning and stuff (of which get well soon okay!). and for that matter, friends are people who stand by you when you're literally down and out (i.e. sick), and thank you =D

it's surprising how time flies so fast, and yet time flies so slowly sometimes. for some, the rushing of time merely hastens the departure of memory. but yet, the sands of time do not cover up the imprints of the past.

that happened on sunday and monday, where i felt as if i was home again, a lost soul for 1 year. how everything suddenly seemed to flow back into my brain as i said my his and byes and waved to them all. it's heartwarming at times too, to see welcomes all over again.

anyway, something we played, but so nice:

tchaikovsky's serenade for strings 3rd movement. a really beautiful elegy.

a post to fill up space

2009-09-03T22:33:00.002+08:00

this post is solely to show that my blog is NOT DEAD (okay i made a pact with myself to post at least once a week lah so.)

anyway, somehow or another, michael jackson feels like the rage now, especially when his birthday was a few days back. yeah 1980s all over again? haha cool.

and i caught the MJ fever too oh dear.

okay this song ah. it's a bit repetitive, it's a bit fake (i mean, yeah "we are the world" when "we" seems to only include citizens from the then-richest country in the world.), and it's a bit too popular and old.

but i like it, the idea that maybe we "are the ones who make a brighter day", so maybe do have the power to change lives after all. that maybe we should really get together and start giving, and show solidarity now.

just now, when the world really needs our support as one, dealing with a whole host of crises. we need more people like that, more action, more magic indeed.

which reminded me of today's gp essay we discussed - we, as members of developed countries, should really take care of our friends, comrades suffering out there. isn't it so true?

people are blinded though. all for weird reasons, for political/economic reasons or something else, don't want to save everyone else out there.

people, let's come together as one to save this world that is crumbling in our own hands, and show them we care.

2009-08-27T22:49:00.002+08:00

ahh this post was requested. =D

anyway surprising how term 3 is coming to an end so fast, so soon. it felt like yesterday when I came out of the exam hall screaming and shouting and hyperventilating. and now as i think about it, promos loom.

ahh and then the future, of course, when you think about what you want to do, what you want to study and where you want to go.

suddenly you realise that what you want in the future is intrinsically tied with what you are doing now, and then the path to your dream becomes a bit less blur. suddenly you know what is supposed to be done, what lies ahead for you as you take that step out from your sheltered world.

and it seems, to pursue my dream, there's so much to do.

anyway, food seems to be the thing that cheers me up at times. indeed, good food, good life.

300th post

2009-08-22T17:43:00.004+08:00

ironic, isn't it, this is my 300th post.

on the way back, after today, i felt my eyes water once again.

hurt and shattered, maybe?

it's something i never really understood. if someone wants to join who he considers as his close friends on a short part of their journey back home, i don't see why he should be stopped. yes, fine, they don't want him to waste time, they are concerned.

if they think, to him, it's a waste of time to join them and be in good company, that spending time with friends is a waste of time, fine.

i don't see why i should be stopped. i know they care, i very well know, but this feels like rejection. yeah fine we don't want you going into the train with us, go home, good riddance, bye bye. if you don't like me going with you on the trip for just ONE stop, tell me. i'll never do that again since you can't stand me so much.

sorry. sorry i had to write this.

it was on my mind the past few days; i feel myself so lonely, so alone within this group. even for myself i felt it today - i didn't purposely isolate myself, yet i felt more alone than ever.

and when i want to talk, to speak what's in my mind freely, i usually get a cold response - then, what is the point of talking then! yeah i may be very weird, i may like things everyone else doesn't, and in the end, you aren't interested in what i have to say. yeah so no one talks to me then, because even if i show myself as being interested in what others like, no one will want to stand up and say I WILL LISTEN TO YOU EVEN IF I DON'T LIKE IT. a few lines, cruel painful lines of dismissal, and yes i learnt to shut up.

apparently talking hurts more than shutting up here. if my presence annoys you, makes you want to get rid of me and disappear, tell me. i'd be glad to do so.

because even if i am not happy, i'd rather make you guys happy. i do things for a reason - i want to be there for everyone, i want to show that i am more than happy to give my side of the friendship.

but today just proved me wrong. by not wanting me to wait for you guys and talk to you all, do you not know the hurt you guys gave me? cause i enjoy your company, i want to be there listening to you all, talking, and above marks, grades and dunnowhatshit, i value friendship the most, so much so that everything else (even time) doesn't matter.

unless, unless, you guys don't feel anything whether i am present or absent. because there are people out there, nice wonderful people, who actually tell me they APPRECIATE me for waiting and being there, instead of not realizing that i feel HAPPY and don't mind spending time with my friends.

i feel so hurt. you all don't understand me enough, do you.

spem in alium

2009-08-20T20:50:00.000+08:00

inexplicable bout of sadness hit me today; was staring out at open space during pseudo-break today and thinking of so many things.

sometimes you just want to hold it all together, and when you're left alone, it breaks, shatters. and to know that maybe it isn't really like that, it comforts. though i don't see it.

anyway - spem in alium, thomas tallis.

alone

2009-08-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

come back, come back.

i'm sorry for everything, if i did something wrong.

but come back please.

am i left out, chucked out from everyone?

and when i see you and that enthusiasm i give isn't returned, i don't know why.

3 people on a ship. 2 people talk to one another, what happens to the last guy?

academia

2009-08-15T10:50:00.000+08:00

was supposed to post this yesterday (i.e. i thought of writing about this yesterday) but some stupid stomach pain literally disabled me so yeah today then. better now though, just that yesterday night was horrid.

you know, as students you learn about stuff right? like say, in gp you discuss about ethics and morals got to do with science, and then you talk about how policies are screwed up and stuff right?

it's purely in an academic frame of mind. so when you think about it it's nothing much to you, it evokes no form of feeling whatsoever. in short it is nonfeeling - you completely detach yourself from your emotions when you think about academia.

but when it presents itself to you in a completely different form, you see how different everything becomes.

such as this. in econs you learn about firms and costs. and then you are told, that profit maximization occurs when total revenue - total costs is largest, and then you are taught cost-cutting measures (all in econ. jargon) that firms undertake.

and all these seem natural to you. you don't bother about the implications.

until it hits closer to home.

got quite a scare yesterday during dinner; i consider yesterday a very lucky day (not for myself), because if yesterday had taken the standard route (the expected outcome i mean), i'd be crying now. i mean, suddenly i'd be much worse off, and i wouldn't know how to survive (literally!) a few months down the road.

and academically, it just feels as if it's a natural thing - when you read of recessions you don't feel anything do you?

it must hit closer home for anyone to even feel it.

what do you see?

2009-08-09T20:36:00.002+08:00

it's 44 years to the date that our mm cried.

indeed, as electrico suggests, what do you see?

i have absolutely no idea how i got myself so patriotic once again. some years, i turn stale and go OH IT'S THE SAME OLD THING AGAIN. but strangely, this year led to me spamming songs for a few days.

indeed, it's something fascinating how singaporeans are loyal to this country. some of them are die-hard loyal fans, some merely pay lip-service, while the minority would wish to get a green card or something else (of which these people can really go get their green cards. i don't really care.). of course, it's strange how the country's ne (some people claim it as brainwashing, i'm not so sure.) works.

this year's ndp song is very different. for years you got a mass sing-along song with the word Singapore in different permutations, peppered with tons of aptly-placed adjectives/nouns ('democratic', 'race', 'religion' etc, which all somehow appear in the pledge). then since 'home' it moved to a softer touch - nice melody, with much less hardcore 'brainwashing' and a 'softer' approach.

then this year, they invited rock bands to do the national day songs.

which actually show how much our society has matured! we don't need songs that spell out in capital letters "WE LOVE SINGAPORE", and we don't need any reminders of how our hearts lie somewhere no matter where we go (where is that somewhere o.0). if the organisers believe in such a song, it shows clearly that we are prepared, matured enough to accept such a form of patriotism (very subtle indeed - the few references i could pick out had to do with stars, crescents and millions)

but either way, it works.

what do i see? a matured singapore, with people patriotic enough to know that singapore is their home.

indeed! i am proud of being a singaporean. as i stood up for the pledge (which may sound like a way to get people to affirm their loyalty, but in actual fact should be viewed as a way for mass participation to occur), i was pretty sure i stood up, loyal and happy to say those few words.

it's hard to define patriotism, but it doesn't just entail NS and 2 years of 'slavery'.

it's more of a sense of knowing that this land, the land you stand on, is the land you feel for, you belong to. dying for it isn't really necessary.

anyway, what do you see?

to be there.

2009-08-04T22:13:00.003+08:00

i believe in miracles.

they do come true, even if you think they don't.

thanks so much for today, thank you all. especially all of you who offered your ear.

and you, when you walked down the stairs, i knew a miracle came true. thank you!

and anyway, hear this! liszt's un sospiro, 3rd of 3 concert etudes:

a lost childhood

2009-08-01T19:41:00.004+08:00

a banner near my house sparked off this post.

it was in chinese, and was about registration in the year 2010.

more specifically, registration for a slot in kindergarten.

that site near that kindergarten was the place of all my youthful (or rather, childish) wanderings. the slide with an ominous puddle, the rotting leaves strewn all over the stairs, the rusting monkey bars - it was a long, long time indeed.

and i didn't recognise that place anymore.

with the exception of a lift shaft, nothing changed, to be honest. the playground suffered from wear and tear, but also got its due refurbishments. the basketball court across the road looked just about the same, with maybe slightly more dents in the enclosure netting. the little shrubs lining the passageway up to my old kindergarten looked exactly the same too, as if the whole scene froze in time.

but i guess, it didn't freeze in time for me.

for me, now when i stare at that place, it does not register in my head as the past. it felt like déjà vu all over again, yet i cannot place it at all. the feeling that it felt like the present yet was the past, as if i saw it through 2 inertial frames of reference.

but all the same, i cannot identify with the kids there anymore.

i see them playing, and i know, deep down, that i was like that once. fighting for the slide, attempting the monkey bars (strangely i sucked at them quite badly), kicking the plastic ball high, out of the court - and then i know, stare at myself and realise, i'll never be like them again.

because i have truly grown up. out from that world, into another world.

truly, i have left that place, because i fail to identify with it again. i may stare, reminiscence at those times where i would crash and land head-first into the shrubs, stare at the all-too-foreign-and-familiar surroundings that i did not see for at least 5 years. but nothing can make me identify with there anymore.

and yes, i know, that part of my life is truly over.

Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis.

no eating on the mrt?

2009-07-27T13:37:00.002+08:00

a belated post, maybe just to wake this blog up, i dunno. did this on the mrt as the incident happened, and as such it isn't very nice to read lah. some post of substance should come soon.

A few days back, i was on the mrt. a civic-minded commuter (by the looks of it, he should be in a tertiary institute/poly? His ez-link card was orange.) decided to either be kind/anal/civic-minded and told 2 people who were drinking on the MRT to stop drinking and keep their drinks.

Of course, being Singaporeans (which must necessarily include a whole tablespoon of pride within it) the 2 poor/inconsiderate commuters caught in the deed of drinking on the MRT took offense at him. A young girl (about my age) shot him pointed looks, while another man just turned away and refused to look at him.

And he continues, without shame or worry, to stare and be SMRT’s new Big Brother.

Evidently this shows Singapore at its finest.

One can view this incident differently depending on the type of society one is in - which goes to say, how one views this shows the level of maturity the society is.

Both customers looked affronted (and honestly, so did I), and evidently this implied that Singaporeans simply thought that that man was being kaypo and poking his nose into others’ affairs.

How others would view it: That man was just being considerate. Given that SMRT changed its stance on food and drinks on trains, it was a kind and considerate act to save those 2 people $30 from fines. But evidently both of them did not take it very nicely, and felt it as an intrusion into their privacy, i.e. he was being extremely kaypo.

The standard rebut: MYOB.

Well, this IS Singapore. I’m a skeptic; I don’t deny that, and I’d proudly wear a cardboard claiming I’m one. And of course, I don’t believe Singaporeans change in this aspect. From the 60s, till the new millennium, and onwards, Singaporeans will continue to wear their pride on their sleeves till eternity.

Do you see people, worried for the cleanliness of the trains in Singapore? And everyday you see complaint letters in the ST Forum, deriding the state of trains in Singapore and claiming that train operators do not do a satisfactory job. This goes to illustrate that Singaporeans have a VERY VIVID imagination. They know the concept of ‘perfection’, but fail to understand HOW to get there. Indeed, idealists, not realists.

This is Singapore, a bunch of spoilt brats who dream of but never reach perfection.

And I’m proud to be one.

confusion, perhaps?

2009-07-21T19:14:00.003+08:00

i finally went against my own policy. i had to take the previous post back. but i do so for a reason - after all that has happened, that post cannot deserve to stay there any longer. it is just wrong i guess. thanks anyway for your concern, all of you =D

being sick half-sucks. i'm the type who prefers to go out and have fun and not stay at home, though slacking at home with a dysfunctional brain is quite fun at times. my brain's rotting from the outside and inside; i hope everyone recovers fast =D

2009-07-14T23:09:00.002+08:00

sometimes, you really wish you could reverse the clock.

doesn't matter how, why. just going back in time. when you didn't make that mistake.

now it's done. i can never make up for it anyway.

sorrys don't matter anymore right? even if you mean them. even if as you type each 'sorry' you feel tears welling up in your eyes.

a genuine wish to want to make up for everything.

sorry.

on the eliteness of groups

2009-07-10T22:06:00.002+08:00

it's convenient and easy to say that everything in life can be properly split and differentiated into a few categories, all mutually exclusive to one another (otherwise known in set notation as A-intersect-B equals to zero).

that, however, is a very naïve thought (though i confess i sometimes wish life could be simplified as such), and especially so in the case of standard differences.

basically.

i do not deny that there are the elite amongst the elite within the community. this is a natural phenomena in life - the presence of a creme de la creme (screw the weird slope-y things on them) in any field, the bell-shaped curve of any normal distribution (sorry for the maff. unintentional i promise.)

they get nurtured. and sadly. the problems start arising.

take the GEP for instance. Smuggled out from normal school in Pri 4, they (i will remain objective and not refer to myself in any way) were groomed, hidden from the rest of the world, fed with multivitamins and speshul powars, and subsequently turned into mutated cyber-robots, ready to serve the country and use their ultimate brain juices to obliterate the rest of the world into mush.

Or that's what people thought. (though there is a degree of truth to whatever mentioned above)

and as such, geppers were treated with scorn. avoided like the plague, shunned as if brain juice leaked out from the dermis, they basically were treated as DIFFERENT individuals. people who were WEIRD, SPESHUL and ABNORMAL.

this cannot be solely attributed to the non-geppers. having been TAUGHT, explicitly or implicitly, that they were different, geppers also share similar mindsets, that they are SPESHUL and ABNORMAL, a 'cut above the rest', that they are mutants and viral breeds.

let's go back to my preamble about differentiated groups. what GEP did was to demarkate the borders between DAMN SMART and NOT DAMN SMART people. however, it failed (by no fault of anyone for that matter) to account for the people near the cutoff boundary.

as such, most people (at least I believe so) are of GEP calibre. rephrased, it means that the TRUE mutated people number much less.

which means, for the large majority of people concerned, people in special education programmes by and large aren't REALLY different from the other people. perceived differences make ALL the difference, which to a certain extent annoys me.

ultimately, what's the difference between an RA person and a non-RA person? mutated oversized brain? special drugs? how do you tell the difference between a HP and a non-HP student?

there people go, ostracizing and ill-treating (to a certain degree) people from 'special programmes', which DOES irk me to a certain extent. ultimately, we are ALL humans, and as such there should really be no special way we treat people from different 'stratas'.

which brings me to another point - how people treat others from 'lower' 'stratas'.

somehow, it's nearly impossible for people who believe highly of themselves to make friends with people LOWER in status. it's demeaning for them, highly impossible for themselves to drop to someone else's level, and somehow very embarrassing.

which is something i cannot stand.

perceived differences make a big BIG impact on society eh.

saddened

2009-07-08T21:36:00.003+08:00

a couple of stuff just joined forces and caused me to feel down.

not surprisingly, i'm not down cause of myself.

after cts/irreversibility

2009-07-05T17:20:00.002+08:00

sorry to people out there who have been waiting for some semi-decent post for eons.

so here i go! =D

cts just ended, but that's another matter altogether. never mind =D

3 things that crossed my mind quite recently -

1. it's quite pointless and aimless, to be floundering out there without a teacher. i'm learning stuff all by myself, without any guidance or a LISTENING ear for that matter (my ears, i believe, are badly trained.)

and thus it's QUITE painful, cause i'm completely lost. how to improve, how to know if i have improved, how to keep on becoming better, i have little idea.

and as such i just try new pieces, perhaps out of my ability, just to show that i'm learning. but am i learning the right way? i have ABSOLUTELY no idea, which sucks.

the only consolation - i'm learning/playing pieces i love. which makes it very enjoyable, indeed.

2. i may have completely changed. i guess, i suddenly think a lot more? but i've touched on that countless times, so it's boring to go through the same routine again.

3. when i enter the army, am i better off introducing myself as someone from bishan sec and bishan jc? the stigma associated with that sir thomas stamford guy, it's not something to be proud about at times.

a senior yesterday introduced himself as being from bishan jc. his rationale was that it most probably hurts less compared to introducing yourself as someone from the big R.

is it lonely to be at the top? very, indeed.

that's all for now, before i satisfy my craving for hokkaido food =D

chem

2009-06-29T23:51:00.000+08:00

stressssssss.

just enjoy it lah, ignore how people think i guess.

the fragile interior

2009-06-22T21:52:00.003+08:00

all it takes is something small.

and flashbacks, memories, experiences. they all go back, replaying in your head.

stabbing you hard. each of them.

that wound never healed. it won't.

and everytime it stabs on a fresh wound it hurts.

no one knows. no one can feel it.

/edit: thanks.

transmigration

2009-06-19T01:10:00.002+08:00

what, what is the answer to the Unanswered Question?

as you search for the answer, you realise a lot of things.

even as it repeats itself, the eternal question of existence, you think a lot.

memory space.

a place to contemplate. to RE-MEM-BER.

and as you think, think about loss,

love? could it be the answer?

wlc day 1

2009-06-15T22:10:00.002+08:00

sometimes, what motivates you to give your best may come from different areas.

people's expectations really force you to give your best.

as i saw and felt for myself today.

surprising how ENTHUSIASTIC they got. really, even for orientation or anything i hardly felt that much spirit, drive, energy in everyone!

and honestly, how much they expected from this whole event really pushed me to give my all. they felt it i guess; i don't know HOW they really managed to have such high expectations, but indeed their enthusiasm is rubbing off me.

indeed, that's the power of enthusiasm. showing off the best in others?

wlc day 0

2009-06-15T08:30:00.002+08:00

epic.

DAMN epic.

something new at least. feels as if i'm a tour guide, finding people in Airport, bringing them around, intro-ing them to Singapore, taking the coach AND liaising with the driver (for an epic 10+ minutes), handling some of the hungry people, entertaining those hungry people, finding lost people, reporting to boss, handling parents (at the same time), etc.

nightmare.

but very fun though! although sleep-deprived and poor.

more crap to come.

food

2009-06-12T22:55:00.003+08:00

LESSON LEARNT:

do NOT EVER rush into a buffet with 35 minutes to spare. you'll walk out pregnant, seriously.

(or was it just me.)

but but it was overdue though! nice time there =D

teach me.

2009-06-10T19:48:00.002+08:00

someone, someone.

teach me.

how to be a good person.

how not to be filled with negative thoughts, how not to be controlled by emotions such as jealousy, selfishness etc.

how not to be full of oneself.

how to think of others 1st.

how to feel for others, how to make them happy and content.

how to be a good person.

i've got loads to learn ><

tummy

2009-06-03T22:11:00.001+08:00

i officially hate my tummy like crap.

since 6 pm last night you know!

ouch damnit my good good luck.

farewell

2009-06-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

life is really so scary and cruel.

In just about 1 months' time, after Presentation (of which I'm eternally grateful for), they'll be gone. Literally, gone. Imagine, there may be a high chance I'll never see most of them for the next year or so, and I may not even see some of them throughout my entire life.

Our lives may not cross; pathways may not intersect.

And what do we have left with us? All just memories, fragments of what was in the PAST, gone, irretrievable and lost forever. People, so worthy of being friends, where will they be?

Will I recognise fellow Chamber mates in the year to come? If I see someone on the MRT in 2 years' time, can I still be able to know that we were once CCA mates, playing on stage in that hall, getting Gold with Honours together?

It's not easy at all, leaving and parting, knowing that in many cases everything's all but lost. Maybe a handful of friendships, but how long will it take before some of these friendships vanish? How long before they become acquaintances? How long before we stop communicating? How long before a friend becomes a stranger?

Friends become acquaintances, acquaintances become strangers.

As our life journey diverges, we break up, slowly but steadily, unless we put in A LOT of effort.

JC is painful; so much we lose! 12 years' worth of friendships, 12 years' worth of experiences, 12 years' worth of joy. Do we just let it die off so easily? Do we just let something special die and fade off, flickering away? Do we just let it be but an experience?

NO. I cannot accept that.

I'm scared! There's this very nice comfort zone, of friendships and bonds that were painstakingly built up from scratch, and there it is, ever-present in school. And once it comes, where will we be? Thrown into a completely new environment, without many familiar faces.

And now how?

I'm scared. It means so much, all of you guys. I cannot lose it.

Time is cruel.

the term

2009-05-29T23:33:00.002+08:00

what SINGLE word would you use to describe the term?

say, t3 2008 would be MUG i think, especially the crazy wk 9 - 10 period. t1 2009 would be "explorations" i'd say, for all the journeys around singapore before JIP, all the og fun and exploring the class.

i'd say, t2 2009 would be termed "friendships".

truly, for me, it was all about them. making new ones, strengthening old ones, even forsaking older ones... all of these happened, on a regular basis even.

because of that, i'd say it was really a roller-coaster experience, these 10 grueling weeks. so many problems, back-to-back, hurting us like crazy.

but i've done so much this term really, so much so that even if it may have been overwhelmingly painful to the extent that i had to see a doc, i won't mind doing it all again.

comforting people,

sharing my own problems,

hearing other's own problems,

even fighting with each other (and coming to a nice resolution),

letting people down,

supporting people when they need it most,

having face-to-face wars yet resolving them amicably...

i'm honestly glad everything happened.

i'm sorry for the unpleasant ones. at times i gave people shit, at times i completely became very dao, uncaring and hurtful, and for that i'd like to sincerely apologise. sometimes i fear im not worthy of people (note the posts below this), and i do feel bad at times.

but i'm just glad, exceedingly glad, for people who accept my flaws and continue being there for me. no matter how busy they are, how horrible they might feel, they're really willing to be there for everything, all my problems i have.

so many things have happened in the last 10 weeks, and indeed the people i need to thank already know who they are, but anyway, thanks still for being there for at least these 10 weeks, for me as a friend.

<3

apologies

2009-05-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

sorry.

2009-05-28T21:53:00.002+08:00

it's hard to keep things a secret from everyone, hiding your thoughts and emotions behind a veil of happiness and liveliness, when it is so tiring to do so.

am i very lousy?

am i made up of any substance at all?

have i deluded myself this past 16 years?

sometimes, just when you are at the peak of your confidence, something comes. it shatters you badly. and as you pick up the pieces scattered on the floor, desperately mending them back together as a whole, something else comes.

the seeds of self-doubt were sown a long time ago.

and now it's hard to pick myself up again.

what worth am i? am i just over-rated? just a pile of crap, scraping through school through sheer luck and nothing else?

why am i in their league? why are the people i talk to them? can i claim myself to be one of them?

am i good enough?

sadly, no.

and i cannot say my confidence has not been shattered. the thing, the sole thing that powers me along. stop it and i'm no longer there!

i doubt myself now. and it'll take time.

that glimmer of hope

2009-05-26T16:08:00.003+08:00

when you're down, nearly the whole world seems to want to go against you. that traffic light that turned red just when you walked to it, that stray ant that accidentally crawled on your fingers, that leaf that dropped on your head, all of them must have hated you in some way or another, you think.

but there's the antidote to it - hope.

there's this piece I listen to despite it being composed in a very simplistic manner:

Pärt's Cantus in memoriam Benjamin Britten

Composed to mourn the death of Britten, it is actually written with the A minor scale and the A minor chord only. So throughout the piece it's more or less gloom and desperation as each string section plays a descending A minor scale in different speeds, until everything settles to an A minor chord. A bell whacks at random, illogical intervals that do not have a pattern.

Then as everything finally hits an A minor chord, everything ends.

Everything is cut off, and what's left is the reverberations of the lone bell, with a very audible C# overtone.

That overtone, that ray of joy in an otherwise gloomily hopeless surrounding, really stands out so much for being that glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

That ray of hope, that all is not lost.

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”

“Hope is not a dream but a way of making dreams become reality.”

hope.

crash

2009-05-25T21:35:00.002+08:00

life gets tiring at times. sometimes, that bucketful of steam just evaporates, and there you go. no steam. collapse, flop.

and that's where sometimes the world becomes evil and menacing.

when that happens everything in the world seems to be your enemy. even the bloody traffic light that turned red just as you walked towards it.

and then you curse, swear and lament about your life being massively screwed up.

that's when you crash, all hope lost.

NOT.

when you crash there's still one avenue left to turn to.

hope.

hope and belief give you more strength. the strength to stand up after each fall, the strength to go through another day, the strength to shake everything off.

just believe and hope, for they are your guardians.

roh moo hyun

2009-05-24T22:15:00.002+08:00

it's sad, really.

deepest condolences to south korea and family of president roh.

but this just shows so many sides of the world today! the world is cruel and evil i guess.

notice how AFTER he committed suicide people started weeping for him. so he died, feeling ashamed and completely remorseful, not knowing that there were some people who actually appreciated his term in service and regarded him with respect.

no one would ever want to die like that.

it's like how an artist's works rise in value after he/she dies. about how a composer's works never get played till he passes on. mr roh did not get appreciated during his tenure and after. only when he died then people saw the value in him.

or maybe guilt perhaps?

it's like that. life is cruel. we only learn to appreciate WHEN it's all over.

and cruelly, by then, it's often too late.

so i guess, like what that guy who came in for the "sex ed" thing (which was about "sex ed" in name and nothing else) said, appreciate people while they're still there.

i guess it's not in our nature, but it does make a WHOLE LOAD of sense! why later, when "later" might be too late already? show your appreciation to someone before it's too late.

parting

2009-05-21T21:06:00.003+08:00

and yes they're officially gone. in t3w2 when we step back into that same old room, that room that people like me have called home 5 years back, we will be alone.

no one will be up there, older than us, and we will be THE batch.

it's hard to part sometimes; i miss the v1s already. but it's natural; parting is very much just the opposite of getting together - it's an action - reaction pair.

i still remember what our RIEL instructor said to us about them and the students; something about attempting to not be so close to them because it's painful for them and the students to part after just 2 days.

maybe this whole process of detachment - leaving oneself out so that when it's time to part it hurts less - may make sense at times. it's something i've been experimenting with to a certain degree, that of not being too close to certain groups so that when it's time to part it doesn't hurt as much.

although some groups of people are too valuable, too precious to merely be acquaintances. those people are the ones i regularly talk to, the people i can confide in and the people i lend my ear to. basically, not the people whom you detach yourself from.

there's a special name for them - friends.

"A friend is someone you can be alone with and have nothing to do and not be able to think of anything to say and comfortable in the silence." Sheryl Condie

andante festivo

2009-05-16T11:46:00.002+08:00

this week has been generally kind to me indeed; i dare not say happiest week of this year, but certainly up there.

certainly something that lifted my spirits a lot - thurs' concert. dismal as it may have been (expected, given the time - not as if we could beat that really), the last piece was FANTASTIC, and we went off knowing that $5 was well-spent on one 5-min piece.

but it was beautiful! sibelius sure can write well!

Sibelius' Andante Festivo

physics

2009-05-12T21:16:00.002+08:00

i swear physics has officially become my NO1 FAVOURITE LECTURE.

omg how cool it was! all 7 of us (sorry jieliang ><) sat together for the 1st time ever!

ahh lovely i swear.

(i swear my posts are schizo. really.)

calpis water

2009-05-11T21:06:00.002+08:00

hmmm JAPANESE PEOPLE SURE COME UP WITH DAMN GOOD STUFF.

like CALPIS WATER.

ahh this is a filler post lah more or less, to assure people i am alive, kicking, and happy =D

BUT REALLY CALPIS WATER OWNS.

worrying

2009-05-08T20:50:00.003+08:00

i feel pain again.

this time it's altogether more surprising - it isn't emotional pain.

it's physical. and it is very worrying for me.

chest pain, which bloody persists for eternity. every breath i take it hurts. every step i walk squeezes my chest.

darn bloody wonderful. imagine something 24/7 squeezing at your heart, and worst of all, when you feel mentally happy too.

thanks for the concern though. it's fabulous friends like these that really alleviate some of the pain (whether physical or emotional). <3 you all always!

disappointment.

2009-05-07T21:41:00.001+08:00

why is it that i keep on disappointing people.

am i ever worthy of anything at all.

sorry.

2009-05-04T20:23:00.002+08:00

eternally ashamed of myself; me, the stinking hypocrite.

sorry.

tired

2009-05-03T15:50:00.002+08:00

time; driving us on relentlessly
there is no "stop", no pause, just a cruel GO.
sometimes, dreams are but what they are - reality stares.
screams from within - irrelevant, no one's gonna listen.

amazingly not burnt out yet tired. retreat; music, a damn good solace.
stop and think about the world! that time - cherish it.

change in writing style unlikely to last, though i quite like this.
essence of simplicity - beauty in minimalism. condensing to nothing is an art indeed; do hold on TIGHT to every word, wring every last drop of meaning from it.

comments please.

so so proud of you all.

2009-04-29T22:04:00.002+08:00

by all accounts i should be over the moon now.

this week (or rather, the past 2 days) was really kind to me from one point of view. really, i have absolutely no reason to feel sad. after all most other people would just go mad and drown themselves in happiness.

but i cannot bear to.

really, i dunno how many people we hurt as we jumped and screamed and hugged when they announced our results. after everything sank in and being told to sit down and relax, the truth suddenly struck us.

i cannot be happy after everything.

right after everything i rushed over, and i felt very bad. i didn't belong there. what was i doing there? it sounded so superficial, so hollow, so insincere.

and when i saw them all, i literally broke down. for the 1st time in years, i felt a tear.

on the bus ride home i was alone, all at the back, while most of the bus just cheered and celebrated. i cannot fault them; they have all the right in the world (just like me) to celebrate and be merry! after all there's everything to be proud of. i just felt so bad that i was quite a mood dampener.

it's this emotional attachment i have. i will never consider myself leaving RISE until i'm dead or suffer from memory lapses. they are in me; i am in them. i cannot bear to see them like that, shattered, devastated, heartbroken, because i know it hurts for them, and even if i never felt it myself, i can roughly feel how it pains them, because i feel for them.

i'm honestly not at all disappointed in them. they have made me feel so so proud of them. i've never had such fantastic fabulous juniors in my entire life before, and i'm really proud of you guys for what you all have done.

i have utmost confidence and faith in all of you guys. be stronger, bounce back from this setback, and i'm waiting to see you guys all in your next concert, all fired up and happy to make music.

love you all! <3

cartharsis

2009-04-24T18:19:00.002+08:00

you know the concept of catharsis?

the idea of purging of the emotions, cleansing and purgation, as Aristotle describes it.

It feels extremely satisfying and emotionally thrilling, especially after a great work of art, and indeed, a great work of art should always evoke a form of catharsis. That experience when an emotional climax overcomes you is really unbearable, yet leaves you craving for more.

It is an addiction.

Just properly listened to Britten's War Requiem, a work that I now regard with great esteem. It's not always that a gem like this gets discovered (not that it isn't popular), but its honesty, sincerity and simplicity of message strikes people hard. Seeing as its subject matter (what else, war.) isn't the most trivial of concepts and ideas, it's really very impactful as a brilliant magnum opus.

It's obvious right? The idea of war being absolutely dumb and stupid. Why even wage war and turn people against themselves, when after all, everyone is still of the same species? It seems so straightforward, so obvious, of the idea of conflict being absolutely unnecessary.

As Wilfred Owen wrote:

"I am the enemy you killed, my friend.

I knew you in this dark; for so you frowned

Yesterday through me as you jabbed and killed.

I parried; but my hands were loath and cold.

Let us sleep now..."

Strange Meeting

Indeed, as the tenor and baritone repeated those last 4 words for eternity, I felt in my heart a form of catharsis - really, it was as if Owen and Britten (as well as the soloists, the orchestra and the conductor = composer) were speaking to me. It was an exclamation, an exclamation indeed of the "pity of war, the pity war distilled".

Why wage war? Why combat against each other, and shed blood for nothing? Why are humans so unbelievably DUMB and FOOLISH to fight against each other? It only brings along pain, hatred, repulsion and heartbreak for everyone! It is indeed a pain too, to see infighting, to see people fight amongst each other, for that is akin to war too! Why fight? Why not seek peace and harmony?

Seek peace, not war.

And for the message, I really adore Britten's War Requiem.

Not the most melodious or easiest of music to listen to (the recording below further justifies the point), but it's truly worth it.

innocence

2009-04-21T22:59:00.002+08:00

i cannot believe what happened today, really.

it feels so surreal, so impossible, that this happened in the 1st place.

that little girl we were coaching really brightened up my day a lot, though she most probably won't ever know or comprehend the impact of that.

i mean, she was just normal. she acted (as i would presume) as herself, a normal 9-year-old kid, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary.

but the fact that she did so was out of the ordinary for me at least.

these few days, weeks, months, years even have been the same old thing. problems surround us everyday, we get suffocated by them all on a regular basis.

and then we meet this small girl, whose carefree attitude and child-like (indeed, like a child like her!) innocence really shocked me. that innocence i ever had just a couple of years back! that free-spirited girl, through her actions and her words, really made me laugh and cheer up like never before.

and then on the ride home i thought about it.

that how we're really living in a world that NEEDS this innocence. the joy of not knowing. instead of all the problems, stress, problems here and there.

i guess that small girl now occupies a special place in my heart, for really brightening up my day.

SYF

2009-04-21T13:40:00.002+08:00

it's 8 days left.

not a lot of time, indeed.

this post is actually one day overdue but i don't really care.

2 years and one day ago, the 20th of april, 2007, was SYF 2007. yes we got the honours, which really made me unimaginably happy and high. but i remembered then that 2 years later would be syf again.

and now i'm really feeling worried, panicky in fact. not only for rjce, but much more so for rise.

will they be able to walk out from woodlands with their head held high, proud and immensely satisfied with their own efforts? or will they shuffle their feet out of republic poly, half in tears, knowing they were so close yet so far, regretting every single mistake they did?

i really feel worried.

but.

i have faith and hope in them. i know they're a competent bunch of people who can and will want to produce the goods. i know they will aim for it and try their utmost best to get somewhere.

and i do hope they succeed.

comeon, raffles institution string ensemble, RISE TO THE FORE.

and RJCE TOO!

GWH FTW!

eternal youth

2009-04-17T19:24:00.002+08:00

class camp over, and honestly I felt class camp was GREAT and FANTABULOUS. really, stuff like chek jawa and "cross the line" were quite unforgettable and random retarded stuff like groundsheet-running and "pepsi-cola" really made our day.

but something struck me the most after this whole class camp.

i realised i really wanted to remain as a small boy forever.

yes it may sound retarded but i really felt so.

as the instructor said, the world today lacks that human touch. everything, thanks to technology, has become so impersonal. people care only for grades, not about friends. people only care about pleasing their boss and rising ranks, not about making friends with everyone.

when i was a small boy i was stress-free. I didn't have to worry at all about grades. I remember only making friends with people, not worrying about their character because everyone was pure at heart.

I can't say so now. In the adult world, people backstab. people scheme behind others' back. the world is full of distrust. friendships are so superficial! how many of them are real? how many of them are true and genuine?

i really don't dare to step out of my childhood. i don't want to be exposed to people whom i cannot trust. i don't want some 1984-airstrip-one thing where no one trusts each other!

i want a world where everyone is innocent, pure and nice, where people actually trust each other. i want these friendships.

i don't want to grow up.

another thing that really struck our minds as we talked about it yesterday in the middle of the night was life after jc. jc feels so short. it's only what, 18 months left?

and after that we separate.

girls go to uni. guys to NS, scholars to uni.

and that's it. most of the people we know disappear from our lives forever. we won't ever be back together, properly. nothing can unite us back.

and i don't want that to happen! throughout the years (even this year), i've made a lot of friends. some really really really good ones in fact. and why why would it be good if we just let the friendship die off? i cannot bear for that to happen!

and that's why i really want to be a small boy forever.

pw

2009-04-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

today is the bestestestestestestest day in my life =D

me iish SOOO GLAD PW groupings were FANTABULOUS!

really nothing managed to spoil my mood lah today.

=D =D =D

codex

2009-04-10T11:48:00.002+08:00

as most of my readers already know by now,

a substantial portion of my posts are quite cryptic.

i don't really take pride in the fact that my posts are cryptic - if no one can understand them why even then blog about them? then it's just 1) a waste of my own time and blog space, and 2) cementing the fact that i am strange and weird and can't blog for nuts.

there's perhaps a reason why i insist, and will continue, to do so.

i don't like the idea of a private blog. why then does one even chronicle one's own thoughts down, only letting a select few people see then? might as well tell them over msn and whatnot right?

so i won't switch over to a private blog, because i believe everyone should be entailed to the right to view my blog. whether or not they get ALL the messages will be another thing.

thus cryptic posts serve as a sieve - to provide those that know me better with what they can understand. of course even the posts themselves can't truly hide what i think and feel in terms of the generic feeling and sense, but it's usually done in such a way that only people that i want to reach out to and tell them about will get the post.

of course, in the end i design my post too cryptic, to the extent that no one gets the message at all. SOMETIMES, even I don't get it.

but that's that about cryptic posts. they are likely to increase in number as the year goes on. but if you think you know what's it all about, ask me in private. i'll most likely respond lah.

the dilemma

2009-04-07T23:31:00.003+08:00

it's sometimes painful to choose, knowing full well that that choice might truly decide one's future.

but truly, the choice can seem painfully obvious sometimes. and sometimes, even if the answer stares at you in your face, you choose to be blinded, blinded by compassion, blinded by ties, blinded by your heart.

sometimes, though, it might just be correct to be rational for once. you make choices not by friendship, not by mercy, not by the heart, but by the rational, logical mind.

my greatest fear

2009-04-05T17:31:00.002+08:00

it's unusual that i post twice in a day, let alone twice in 2 hours.

but i really need to get this out.

you know, i really suddenly believe a lot in personality profiles.

a long time ago I took DISC, and i was an IDC. A strong I in fact.

and it said there, on the book, that an I fears rejection the most.

I didn't really think it through much. I just merely agreed, thinking that it might be right.

and i realised, just now, that that might TRULY be my biggest fear.

there is probably a reason why I was feeling scared a few weeks ago, even if I did not openly display it. being rejected, not only from social circles but from every part of life, is INDEED my greatest fear.

although i don't show it, i realised that it haunts me too much. my heartbeat rushes high when i sense a possible rejection. i cannot sleep well. i cannot walk properly. sometimes, i cannot even see or hear properly.

i guess i need to tackle it before this fear overcomes me.

saturday and sunday

2009-04-05T16:21:00.002+08:00

ahhh back from a whole load of stuff. quite fun i must say.

syf's feeling really scary now. it's what, close to 3 weeks away? i'm not exactly a stellar player amongst the 1sts, so i really need to buck up. but then again it's the same problem i always had ever since sec 2 onwards - my tone quality sucks. guess i need a lot of slow practice.

it's better to panic now than panic later on, just before syf. so i guess we all need to focus more during sectionals and rehearsals.

we can do it, it's just whether we want it badly or not.

ahh anyway FOSL was next, and it was rather interesting to listen to others as well. now that i'm done with FOSL i might want to initiate a good CIP - i really feel like taking ownership of a project i want to do badly.

ANYWAY DIGRESSION - circle line open house! ok lah i'm mad to want to see a freaking MRT station, but well it was FUN. as in really fun cause we got to see the interior of Bishan MRT (as in the Circle Line part). jie liang actually found it decently cool (and I was hyperventilating lol.)

then went for maffsoc camp, which had more non-maff games than maff ones. not that i mind, seeing as i am sucky in ivan-style maff. mad stuff such as arm-wrestling, identifying pictures of people (WHY DO I SUCK AT BOTH. gosh.), and especially the crazy midnight exploration of the school.

fun, but tiring. now i should really start PW now. urgh PW's a chore.

council elections

2009-03-30T23:33:00.003+08:00

ahh it's the time of the year again, where people SPAM in an attempt to get into council.

i've seen 4 (including this year) council campaigns in my life, more than most others.

and truth be told, all look the same.

as a sec 2 boy, everywhere i went in rj all looked the same. all the colourful posters, banners, advertisements, popping out from everywhere.

soon, the outstanding became the standard, and nothing stood out.

that's where the problem soon lay.

a campaign in RJ is truly ineffective. what is the point of a campaign in a democratic process? to let the people better understand the candidates, to provide them with more info on the candidates' ideas and thoughts. so that people can make an informed choice on who they think is deserving.

but in RJ what is the point of it all? are voters biased? YES! people with larger social circles win because they know more people, and their friendship guides them to vote for their friends. given the extremely limited time schedule we see no true understanding of other candidates (we don't even remember their faces please.) and in the end we choose to vote for people, blinded by friendship/love.

is that fair?

is that voting for the best? are the electorate qualified to vote?

no.

and yes it is a popularity contest! no one denies that. winner = popular person.

and campaigns SOUND the same. every campaign shows off people with dreams and ambitions for the school, with great awe-inducing qualities that would make everyone swoon. they sound too good, it's generic.

in the end campaigns fail in their mission. everyone has more or less decided their votes (friend = maybe one vote for you. closer friend = confirmed vote.), and campaigns are ineffective, because of the inherent flaw in the system! so you're campaigning to show off traits that everyone else has, nothing special, everything so generic it fails to tell the minority whose votes aren't taken up what is so special about you.

yet there are exceptions. people who can make a strong impact with campaign will be able to break free and get into council, against all odds.

look at wang tianyi, with his "never let you down" tagline, winning him an ovation from the entire school.

and that's why the campaign has to exist. for people to try. to TRY, so that they might get a chance at being outstanding. even if all the campaigns may be the same. even if all the campaigns are so groan-inducing they make people cringe and cry.

because you never know if you try.

friends.

2009-03-28T20:01:00.003+08:00

sometimes one is really blind to one's own abilities.

it is quite surprising for myself, to realise i'm actually not too sucky at talking to others (as in, not the everyone-in-a-group-and-we-chit-chat-very-noisily type, but the heart-to-heart type.)

maybe that's why I'm an ENFJ (draws attention to F).

but yes i guess i should still say this.

thanks to all of you, my friends, for everything.

MBTI

2009-03-27T22:12:00.002+08:00

i realised i'm not as strong as i think i am.

apparently, facebook/some internet quiz/the official MBTI quiz ALL claim i'm an ENFJ.

and here's what they claim:

"ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this. "

yeah i truly wish i had all these characteristics.

i know i'm not a perfect ENFJ. my Feeling is not very well-developed, as I always thought I was Thinking and more or less used my Thinking more (maybe subconsciously I used my F a lot too.). I'm quite blunt, don't really have good people skills and don't truly think I can understand people very well.

yet i know deep in my heart I AM an ENFJ.

yes it doesn't sound like it sometimes, but i do wish i get to encourage people and solve their problems. i do get a lot of happiness when i see someone get something he/she wants, and i really think i like to motivate people.

maybe MBTI was really right after all.

fee-sicks

2009-03-24T19:56:00.002+08:00

today is THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

(not.)

but you could never imagine the happiness (glee, more like) on my face when i stepped into LT2 and saw what was going on inside.

I NOW HAVE RENEWED PASSION AND INTEREST IN PHYSICS MAN.

my most mutilated set of notes are physics notes. usually the 1st page of the notes are horribly mutilated with weird crossings and whatnot. really people who never take physics won't ever understand.

anyway chem today was rather interesting (1st lecture of the year!), and besides the nigel-fong prank i played, Mr. ONG came in and sat in!

and the RI guys went mad cheering and clapping (especially his ex-chem rep lah duh.).

funny how the other teacher came in too (via the back) but no one took notice at all.

anyway holidays were a blast, just that i need to start on work (coughECONScough) soon or i'll most probably get slaughtered.

10S06P <3!

2009-03-14T13:45:00.002+08:00

this IS overdue (why do i have a bad habit of blogging late?).

but yeah yesterday was a blast. like how o-nite was madness-ly fun and how kenneth's bdae was also some crazily fun day.

first was the epic bowling game 1 where HAN BOJIAN BEAT ME URG. i got owned terribly so i took revenge (not that i really intended to, but something just went right with me for the second game).

and got 113 pinfalls.

quite hard to believe though. strike spare spare strike strike in a row?! =D

and then later we went for pastamania lunch and had fun making shneg's specs disappear (and li yan's phone too).

shneg was as blur as ever lor specs just 1 metre away from him still cannot see. =D

then kbox. this round of kbox wasn't as bad as last time (last time was fun though!) cause i was more relaxed this time (the last time i was sooo nervous i couldn't sleep ok.). we went MAD jumping around (imagine 16 people jumping in one room.) and blasting out super-OUT-OF-TUNE melodies.

so in the end everyone's voice was as good as dead.

but an enjoyable experience though. really must thank jun sheng for the really nice planning and the intended idea of class bonding, which was really quite successful i must say!

10S06p <3! (and if anyone of you see this PLEASE tag!)

troubling

2009-03-10T22:38:00.002+08:00

you know, during your kindergarten years, your teacher would go up to you and ask what you wanted to be.

you would answer with the utmost confidence, without fear or hesitation, that you wanted to be a so-and-so.

i wish i can do so now.

when people ask me, i have a fail-safe (fake) answer.

deep in my heart i question it. is it what i really want? is that my destiny in life? do i really desire it? will i hate it? will i regret it?

apparently the questioning might have had been too powerful at times.

i'll give myself some time to think though.

dramafest

2009-03-08T00:40:00.004+08:00

and finally i got home, after what? catching the last marina-bay train =D

hey, it's my 1st ever!

*gets hit on the head by waste-paper basket*

anyway apologies for the past 2 posts. this week hasn't been very kind to me, so yeah. but thanks anyway for everyone out there, really appreciate it a lot.

went to watch dramafest (without the E) just now, and besides the lack of aircon it was very very fun.

though i still cannot understand how MT won 1st, because their play didn't leave me with much besides the slapstick comedy (which was employed in full force for BW and RafflesPlayers' parodyplay). on hindsight MT could have won cause they gave quite a few takes on such a simplistic (compared to others) issue of periods, which was rather enlightening for the audience.

sadly i lost the drift halfway.

some memorable stuff:
bb - yellow line, and the all-so-comedic grandma.
bw - the indian couple! and the old uncle.
hh - fengshui and the very dramatic sacrifice.
mt - periods.
mr - the b-c dissonance and the rhythmic pulse.

my favourite (yes i know im supposed to support BW) was HH's at 1st till i switched over to MR. a lot of people hated it though, but i loved it.

maybe i'm just totally fascinated with morbid stuff.

like you know, I listen to shostakovich for the dissonance kick? i don't mind listening to a 25min piece just to hear the climax, cause it's so scary i ALWAYS get goosebumps. and the LARGE majority of his works are morbid death-filled works.

still, ultimately, there must be a winner. which is sad (about as sad as musicfeste) cause really, everyone deserved to win!

ahh but still, life is full of competitions, though i'll remember the plays from there well (just as i'll remember musicfeste.)

anguish

2009-03-05T22:52:00.002+08:00

it feels horrible.

everything's crumbling down. that fragile column which was painstakingly built by all of us, it's giving way.

can we stop it?

i don't want to lose everything.

an apology

2009-03-04T23:18:00.002+08:00

for the 1st time this year i felt like crying today.

i'm so sorry, sorry for what happened last year.

it's all my fault.

sorry.

an overdue post!

2009-03-01T21:05:00.002+08:00

yes this is super-overdue, but heck at least i wrote something!

friday and saturday were 2 crazy days (as in totally crazy). musicfeste then chambercamp then patrick's cip.

honestly i don't feel so bad about musicfeste now. for one, there's no point crying over spilled milk. it's over so just forget about it. for two, i know we did our best for it, so if the judges didn't like it as much as they liked bb's (in retrospect my critical appraisal of it is rising, although very few people know that the minor version of 两只老虎 was most probably ripped from mahler 1 3rd mvt. same key, same rythmn, same 6-bar canon!)

but i still feel guilty about it. honestly, when i saw the email from bw house comm i really felt very squeamish and guilt-ridden. we're mainly responsible for letting bb overtake us. i just don't know how many people we let down.

that's why we're going to pwn musicfeste next year!

enough said. chamber camp was woow. cause you know, expectations (after all the rise camps) were not high, and with what MOE rulings and no whackos (yeah what the heck why is whacko banned?), we weren't exactly hoping for much.

but then again in jc everything shatters conventions.

yeah so we had what, FREE ENTERTAINMENT from yong zhiyi's excellent singing and his remarkable ability to dodge the ball. lol the video of him singing shostakovich was funny lah.

pity he just didn't dance.

and speaking of which i dont dance well. yeah why did we even dance.

yes our beloved j1 batch is like super-cards-crazy. we stayed up till 3 am spamming bridge (it's unhealthy but well.). Pity there weren't many exciting games (those that mainly involve 4 and above).

although i'm growing to love my batch more and more, as well as the cca!

chamber > you!

proclamations

2009-02-23T23:22:00.003+08:00

it takes 2 hands to clap.

every action, even if done unknowingly, has a reaction.

empty words. so much for the proclamations.

please. will you?

an update on life

2009-02-19T18:51:00.002+08:00

apologies to anyone who wished for something more entertaining from my blog other than lame useless rants. just that i needed to let off some (fake) steam somewhere (and well practising for GP too.)

anyway an update!

10S06P has been way way more cool than I expected! we sit and talk cock during free blocks (which somehow nearly always coincides with recess/lunch), and really laugh and talk and random around during lessons (coughFEESIXScough).

haha there you go, 10S06P <3!

anyway another part of my rather cool (compared to boring sec3) life is chamber! yeah sure i'm in more ccas than chamber, but i guess i still want to treat chamber as my 1st cca. it's really a nice place (even with the margaret sectionals, which really isn't that bad cause it works.) we hang out a lot (especially the j1s) and really random a lot (styling hair in the toilet. hmhm.) and insult each other (and get insulted.).

anyway lessons have been somewhere between fun and dull. lectures are always ZZZ time (especially chem.) EXCEPT for a certain subject, which is SO ENTERTAINING I CANNOT SLEEP.

FEESIXS is soooo entertaining! really it has become a habit for me to pay attention (cause it's so worth it to pay attention), and to think in sec 3 and 4 i never bothered to pay attention.

chem and math aren't all that scary (so much for accelerated learning.), and chem sounds quite fun (once the pullout lectures start).

gp and pw's ok, cause gp tutor really knows what she's doing and pw tutor seems experienced too.

i actually thought through very long (and in fact i'm undecided), but i dunno whether to drop econs for geog. unlikely though, seeing as i already got myself sloman.

anyway school's fun! and BW>you! and we really need to meet up guys!

singles' awareness day

2009-02-14T22:43:00.003+08:00

yup so today's SINGLES' AWARENESS DAY, the ever-so-famous pseudo-holiday where people sell roses on the street with flagrant disregard for Singapore's selling permit rules, guys and girls boost sales and help get the world out of a recession, and where PEOPLE GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOR SECTIONALS.

zzz.

(joking luh we do need it, seriously!)

but honestly, all jealousy and jokes aside, i am one who totally disbelieves in Valentine's Day. I know you couples out there who actually bother to read this blog and not caress your dear one will scream "heresy" and demand me to be stoned to death tomorrow and claim i'm just jealous that i was HAPPILY alone listening to mahler, but i DO have reasons.

vday seems to be a very insincere and meaningless way of showing love and appreciation to the other partner. what happens is that people seem to prepare JUST for v-day and nothing else. it feels very forced, that there is specially a day set out for you to be forced to show your love, all thanks to peer and societal pressure for you to go out and spend your hongbao money on your loved one.

it feels artificial.

i mean, you ARE expected to go out to give some love to your loved ones on vday! so whether or not it is truly from your heart no one knows. maybe it is, but it may JUST be that one day where you care for him/her, and neglect him/her for the other days. HOW is that sincere?

it's like going to an old folks' home to visit your parents once every year during chinese new year. How does that show sincerity?! how does that show that you actually do care? everyone's expected to turn up, so it does not give an indication of anything.

yes the love spread during vday is nice, but really what happens after that should be the acid test (haha acid test soo reminds me of screwed-up chem practs where chester would drink chemicals). so in the end v-day becomes rather redundant, because EVERYONE shows their love no matter what (because society expects them to.), and as such it really feels insincere.

might as well scrap it and save up money so that you can BETTER show your love in a more meaningful way. eg. like buying stuff periodically instead of wasting it all on 1000 roses. maybe just buy 10 and save the extra 990 for a nice meal (or 10) at equinox.

and furthermore not saying anything about the roses and plantations. countless many other crops could have been grown instead of roses. the whole trade and supply of roses just serves to create more hunger and possibly even more deforestation and global warming.

seriously, why keep v-day?

a nightmare

2009-02-13T20:04:00.003+08:00

after awaking today i tried to kick myself up and out of bed.

as i did so i felt a searing pain through my right leg.

i just lay down, quite badly (partially-) paralyzed.

that explains why i came to school 10 minutes later than usual, and didn't walk as fast as per my norm today.

it's ok now, but it reminded me of something very scary, very very scary i had last year.

i dunno, but i think it was late april/early may last year. it was actually quite a minor thing, a ear infection (i think caused by a mosquito bite?!).

but that gave me 5 days of hell.

that morning i sensed something amiss. i woke up hearing a ringing tone (i believe it's a quite flat E natural) in my right ear, which refused to go away despite all i could do (i thought it was pressure, i thought it was water etc. and tried really every method i knew of then.)

then on the mrt i got a very very rude shock. i plugged my earphones into my ear and listened to something. whenever an A was played my ear would hurt and i would hear an A flat instead in my right ear.

anyway i guess there's no point describing in full detail what i suffered, especially how i had to adapt for the sake of even being able to listen to the teacher.

that rude shock reminded me about how I took everything for granted, especially my 2 ears.

anyway school has been (slack but) fun. what with going out with chamber people, hanging with OGs and playing STUPID GAMES like "how many moo moos jumped over the wall" and the MRT game (OHHH I HATED THAT LIKE I TOOK 40 MINUTES TO FIGURE IT OUT.), class bonding and piano-playing/fooling around with the violin/piano etc.

yup jc life's fun!

closet muggers

2009-02-11T21:25:00.002+08:00

monday was quite cool, hanging out 1st with OG then class then 4B people (for a short while though) then class then OG THEN juniors (for a looong time). ohh mann i miss my juniors!

yesterday was super-screwedup. as in, it was JUST the (by-now-infamous) chem 1st lecture. then RIGHT AFTER THAT i already got people saying good job for being sabo-ed during chem.

ehhh not like i could offer a better explanation without angering the crowds lor. right after j1chamber lunch i walked past a guy while going back to rj and he whispered "orbitals" to me.

AND even my og members (those from S03 classes) commented on me lor. like o.0

nice start lumpy. thanks so much man geraldsng.

anyway rj's a very scary place. honestly, throughout my 4 years in RI, I never once saw so MANY people mugging together even when THE EXAMS ARE FAR FROM NEAR. whole ENTIRE CLASSES go to library to mug, members of classes sit down and mug together, even people I thought weren't muggers also sat down to mug IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

i was seriously shocked.

and guess what so-called muggers like ME, RENYONG, AARONTANG and AUSTIN (incidentally all 4 are double-ra "freak muggers") were doing then.

we were fooling around at mep room playing some pieces.

now now it's scary how one person mugging can totally influence a whole group of non-muggers to start mugging. herd mentality i call it.

disgusting though. really.

classes

2009-02-09T20:36:00.002+08:00

classes out today.

and after worrying for 3 months ever since i screwed up my jap eoy i realised that there was absolutely no need to panic.

my class' 10S06P, the pCHEMRA-MAFFRAe/a/g class.

yeah.

i like knew nearly every guy there (austin, the 5 4B people, renyong, baohanjie and yeyushi) rather well (maybe not baohanjie and yeyushi).

just worried that the people aren't enthu enough. doesn't sound as crazy as 4B '08 (or even 10S06Q).

so we played games from 9.46 till like 11.26 (i think.) and then moved over to ri for lunch till about 12.30.

then some magic occured.

while talking to my class about possible locations to go, i saw a group of familiar people.

not 1, not 3, but a bunch of 6 O'RIGAMI people!

walking towards ri canteen.

and worst of them all, this was TOTALLY UNPLANNED! so it was just pure telepathy! ramasamy, nicholas, chng yan, esther, zaid, trung! then later came clarence, shi min, (kelly who alreadly left campus) and xian min!

so all of us met UNPLANNED for lunch!

and not also forgetting the unplanned morning meeting at the 'ome! like quite a number turned up without prior planning!

i swear O'RIGAMI has some form of very very strong telepathy! =DD

what's wrong with being gep?

2009-02-08T22:07:00.003+08:00

disclaimer: actually i wrote some of this post on fri (on the mrt trip from cineleisure to school i spent some time thinking about this and emoing), but withheld it for the o'rientation post (refer below). but after some gepper discussion with a fellow gepper i guess i want to blog about this. apologies if it's a little dry, i need to get this off my chest.

i dunno how many times we've discussed this, but my OG seems to be rather interested in the topic of GEP. why so i'm not too sure.

but apparently ramasamy (and i believe a LOT of other people) can tell if a person is GEP or not JUST BY LOOKING at the face. he was rather accurate at that, and that (and a number of factors) seemed to make GEP people different from non-GEP people.

honestly it's quite true to a certain extent.

but i guess it's overabused. people start having GEP-phobia, people start stereotyping just because a person is/isn't GEP, people start ostracizing GEPpers.

in the end what happens is that GEP and non-GEP people become 2 separate species of people.

then discrimination occurs.

i read somewhere that "the best form of praise you can ever compliment to a gepper is "you don't look gep.""

that, seriously, is cruel.

is being GEP that wrong? just because GEPpers were isolated from the world for 3 years doesn't mean they're a totally new species of people, a separate organism right?

honestly, why on earth must there be a form of separation between GEPpers and non-geppers? is it correct to ostracize a bunch of people and laugh at them just because they scored a bit higher for a small test done years ago?

and are GEPpers just different? NO!

how on earth can GEPpers be truly different? will you ostracize a person if he/she just scored 1 mark more than you? does his/her brain truly think differently? will he/she morph into a completely different creature as soon as he/she signs the form and accepts GEP?

NO!

then why the fear about being with a gepper? are all geppers some kind of monster, abnormal freak about to swallow non-geppers up?

we are perfectly normal! some people play dota, some people slack, some people sleep, some people sing in the bathroom. just because we did well for one test or two doesn't mean we don't carry out what normal people do!

really i sometimes wish i wasn't a gepper.
(but i enjoyed gep, truly, from the bottom of my heart.)

o'tiero 2009!

2009-02-07T21:19:00.004+08:00

i'll hold off other posts 1st for the mandatory o'rientation post.

*on a side note patrick cho please explain what I see on your blog.*

anyway o'tiero (FOR THE 3RD TIME RUNNING I DON'T BELIEVE THIS WORD EXISTS IN SPANISH. nevermind, it can be another "powerdei"-ish word (yeah like invented.)) has been nothing short of brain-dazzling.

magical, to be precise.

so many cool stuff indeed - stationgames, an amazing race, "when we look back", BATCHDANCE! (ohmygosh i think i lost count of the number of times i've seen the youtube video), raindance + sundance, wargames (lol stripmeifyoucan), face-paint war, captain's ball during take5 and MY FASHION DISASTER (yes till now i cannot believe i actually did a catwalk o.0).

indeed, i never had THAT high hopes for orientation, seeing as (as jiggy pointed out before orientation) we would bond together with a bunch of people who we won't interact much with after orientation. but. but.

something really cool came about because of that. we made new friends, had awesome wacky fun together (buying fbts for me?!) and really let our hair down.

so what if we won't officially meet up after orientation? so what if we're all going to be separated because we take different subject combis? so what if we aren't in the same ccas or in the same classes?

we're gonna stick around for long.

and really, a lot of credit should go to our OGLs, chloe, edwin and wei jie. really what made us moving on the 1st day was actually the OGLs assisting our ice-breakers, because right before that everyone was practically silent (even I didn't talk to leon much, and leon was perhaps one of the 2 people i knew before this). random assorted stuff (especially dinners, which were really good at breaking the ice between all of us) made us closer, and really i doubt our OG would be so close if not for the OGLs.

also not forgetting our "grandparents", leon and chng yan, who really did a wonderful job getting our og together for random assorted fun stuff (including dinner and presents for OGLs). as well as the rest of our OG, including wacky people *coughramasamycough* who really got us close together.

o'rigami BW11 FTW!
(and if any of you see this please tag!)

anticipate it.

2009-02-05T22:31:00.002+08:00

i know it's just wrong to do an emo post now but this, after all, is a web-log(aka web diary), and i AM entitled to my opinions provided it doesn't get me into trouble.

yeah i guess it's something everyone has to go through.

it hurts leaving people.

a number of my blog posts these few months revolved around my (soon-to-be) former class. it is agony, agony indeed to think about how the past will never be the present.

and i guess it will happen soon.

o'tiero (I STILL SUSPECT IT ISN'T SPANISH.) has been really great, but the fear in everyone is what happens AFTER that. whether our og will stand together and be great friends despite the passing of time or disintegrate and be a small fragment of our life, never to be together and all forgotten, we will see.

i don't wish for the latter. i want to meet my og and talk to them, chit-chat and go for outings often. i want to have parties with them. i don't want orientation to just be about assimilating into merely the school compound, but also mixing with people and forging everlasting bonds.

but ever so often the latter occurs. it's only a matter of time when another group of people come into your life. classmates, ccamates, juniors and seniors, soon-to-be ns platoonmates...inevitably you'll have to face the same situation again and over again.

that's why i changed my msn nick and pm.

in the end you can't be best friends with everyone you ever met in this world. no one will have that much time. so some will stay while some will go. former best friends will become nothing but acquaintances, which happens ever so often.

so anticipate it. know when you're going to part, for then if you know that it won't last long you can make preparations for it.

it's just like how morrie described dying in "Tuesdays with Morrie". he prepared mock funerals for himself, not celebrating death, but life itself. he taught himself to accept death and not shudder at the sight of it, even when confronted with Lou Gehrig's disease.

most importantly, he made use of every single second he had left wisely.

that's just exactly what we should do. inevitably groups of friends will break up into oblivion, but before you know that the break-up will occur why not do your best? make use of every single second you have left before the bonds start loosening.

and that's why i'll promise i'll go crazy with my og tomorrow.

smiyc

2009-02-04T21:47:00.003+08:00

will do a post on o'tiero (i still dunno if it's REALLY spanish. tried finding it on google and everything was rjcorientation-related.) after the whole thing.

so for now 2 things:

1) GUYS RAISE UP YOUR HAND IF YOU DID NOT GET OWNED DURING "STRIP ME IF YOU CAN" TODAY.

you're a LIAR.

sorry =D

but really i was rather fortunate to get into "sickbay" early (cause i tripped over someone's leg and fell and got bruises). heard and saw many nasty stories about guys getting (for lack of a better word) raped by whole swarms of girls. Like 8 girls surrounding one guy?!

gosh wow there should have been more protection in place. the amazing number of guys getting damaged can shock you into thinking that girls are some mutant violent people.

maybe they are.

=D

2) something happened during wargames today that was damn funny.

while we were at stadium steps resting after the release of results HH stood up and was about to cheer.

they stood up, did their hand signal.

AND THEN.

suddenly from the left came a cheer. people in yellow, clapping in rhythm, going "HOT WE'RE SO HOT".

HH was stunned. they stared.

they tried to start their cheer.

"HOT WE'RE SO HOT."

and in the end BW TOTALLY PWNED HH. like TOTALLY.

this was perhaps the 1st time i ever saw a house interrupting another house's cheer and causing them to stop cheering and listen to the other house.

BW GIVES YOU WINGS!

finally the end of holidays

2009-01-28T22:58:00.002+08:00

ok this sunday marks the end of the 3-month long holiday, which means that life returns back to normal.

transition to normalcy isn't that difficult as it used to be for the past 10 years. it isn't ALL HOLIDAYS ---> ALL WORK, but a mix (transition), which makes the sudden process less sudden and abrupt (a good thing too lah).

anyway a filler post: taken from Facebook note. the facebook meme.

1. My favourite hawker food USED to be bak chor mee (with tons of vinegar) but after eating too much lousy bak chor mee (some with ter kwa), I got repulsed. So my favourite #1 hawker food is now a good nice bowl of Fish Soup. With milk.

2. I only started listening to Classical Music in late Sec 2 (credit goes to Ben Wee). It was sometime during EOYs I think, where I got exposed to a whole chunk of violin concertos (Tchaikovsky, Mendelssohn, Beethoven, Sibelius, Brahms, Glazunov, Paganini #1, Saint-Saëns and Shostakovich #1 - the entry work into Shostakovich!). Of course I don't listen to violin concertos much now.

3. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't understand Mozart at all. (Translated, it means that I don't like him.) Oh yeah, and the LARGE majority of Classical period composers.

4. I actually never liked English (especially Literature). Somehow or another, my English marks shot up at the start of Sec 3, and till today I still cannot explain why. Either OBS turned me into some weird machine who could actually speak proper English, or I read a lot of English while sleeping.

5. Liverpool FTW!

6. In relation to Point 4, I always felt that I was never good in Languages as compared to other subject groups (e.g. Math and the Sciences, Humanities). (Sadly for myself I actually have statistical evidence to back this claim up.) Despite lasting for 4 years, I cannot fully claim I am proficient in Japanese (although that's one of my life wishes - to be at least trilingual.)

7. I still do not know till today whether I am shy or not. Although I'm leaning towards the former. I'm not sure whether people know that, but I tend towards not talking when in a group of people (who are already talking) that I do not know that well. Yet when placed in a group of people who don't know each other well I somehow start conversations very quickly.

8. I have slight face-recognition problems. And slight name-recognition problems as well. Not that I wish to, but well.

9. I am surprisingly productive on the MRT (and slightly less so on the bus). I can finish a chapter of Campbell and Reece (did it once!), write a graded essay (got 18/20 I think, but with comments that my handwriting was horrible), do EOY practice papers, study scores etc.

10. I am a sucker for rules (honestly!). Even now I don't dare to eat in RI outside the canteen (despite me loudly claiming that I would try that one day), although I jaywalk.

11. I dream of one day where the air around me could be cold, yet still equally humid. For some strange reason I really want to live in a country where temperatures are constantly 14 - 23 degrees Celsius. And the occasional snow.

12. Most importantly, on that day my nose MUST be functional. Not the nose that blows itself up every single time I go to a temperate country. My nose is a great tissue-waster. I remember using up ONE WHOLE ROLL of toilet paper for one day.

13. Sometimes I do get pissed that I'm short, but I've learnt to accept it. Anyway isn't it cool that you don't need to bend down your head ever?

14. To me, anyone who has good handwriting is really lucky/talented. I ever tried changing that rubbishy handwriting of mine (that exact handwriting that got complaints from nearly every teacher that taught me ever since Pri 1), but obviously failed. Yet I actually CAN read my own handwriting (with great difficulty.)

15. I am not very confident when it comes to decisions. When mulling over a possible course of action, I can take forever and forever even if the answer is obvious. I double-check what 3 + 5 is using my fingers during exams.

16. I have had several weird responses to my nickname (Lumpy), of which the most memorable one is this certain (coughyouknowwhoyouarecough) guy who told me he had a reindeer also named Lumpy. Somehow I now own that reindeer. Another very weird one was in OBS, where an instructor there was also called Lumpy (I think).

17. I don't like people who wrongly accuse. That may also be the reason why I claim that I am not very confident when it comes to decisions, since I don't like to accuse someone wrongly without enough evidence.

18. I love sour stuff. Preferably spicy too. That most probably explains why I am a sucker for Tabasco.

and the sky today.

2009-01-21T21:07:00.003+08:00

the sky's very very fine today. near-total clear! even in the morning, early afternoon, evening and night.

i could see stars.

=D

anyway had chamber just now. the piece's fun, not *that* hard to play but very fun nonetheless.

finally for once i actually get to play a work of my favourite composer!

(ohyeah and hammering on your g-string for a large part of the piece is soooo cool. AND G-STRING is most probably not the thing you are thinking, naughty naughty.)

anyway i decided to retake Os after changing my mind rather suddenly.

not a shocking thing, seeing as Kenneth and KC are but 2 ppl I know who are retaking, but something i need to get used to. of course some people may label me as mad for retaking with a b3, but that's the only logical option for me.

and as tony summed it up: "If I were you I would do so too."

so from now i shall work hard, get that darned A and be happy.

and for some equally strange reason I actually got down to re-reading group theory (which is like "WHAT?" and some weird incredulous look).

don't ask.

just like how people shouldn't bother so much about why i call myself lumpy (which has happened twice so far and will most probably happen tmr and on orientation).

turns out that nearly everyone who knows my real name STILL call me lumpy despite me telling them my real name.

not that i'm being private or what, but it's just that I'm helping you save a bit of trouble (isn't it so much easier to call me lumpy? more memorable).

ok this post isn't getting anywhere (just like myself.) so.

BYE BYE BUSH,
ONWARD OBAMA!

habits

2009-01-18T20:40:00.003+08:00

it's amazing how i know quite a number of people having birthdays today, so if i haven't wished you happy birthday i apologise. but anyway yes happy birthday again!

especially a certain lim jun sheng who had to give out flyers on his birthday. and you too!

anyway 1) tabasco is the bestestestest thing on earth. period.

2nd in line is bundaberg root beer. =D

that was totally random, but yes it's amazing what lumpy can do with a tabasco bottle.

2) i will promise NEVER NEVER AGAIN WILL I REJECT FLYERS.
even if i'm quite a staunch environmentalist and wish to save this poor planet by taking one less piece of paper, in the end it's already printed, what can we do?

seeing as I just got the chance yesterday to give out flyers, i roughly know how it feels to be rejected (as all the old aunties, people getting down from bus 410 and little children/teenagers a few years younger than I).

quite fun though (although it felt quite tiring halfway through).

3) i will die shopping. how on this earth do females shop, shop, shop, shop and SHOP forever? and the worst part is that they don't even feel tired at all!

gosh females are weird species.

(actually i'm a weird species too. just don't catch me shopping at somewhere i WANT to shop, cause you'll die watching me shop.)

4) i actually can't bowl for nuts. despite my 1st round score, i realised that beginner's luck most probably helped me through most of it.

5) i have in mind some random project. sounds decently cool to me, yet impossible. but never mind i'll try.

a shock.

2009-01-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

it's just so scary, how something you dismiss just days before suddenly comes back and bites you hard in the butt. Something you may not really care so much for, yet something that really, ultimately makes 100% sense when the truth strikes in.

and the truth sinks in HARD.

Eastern Coastal Park Connector Network

2009-01-13T19:35:00.002+08:00

oh my gosh we conquered the 42km Eastern Coastal Park Connector Network today! =D =D

yeah after the previous cycling trip (2 Jan), we all decided that another one sounded good. So my mind wandered, and knowing myself, it wandered to the most epic and grand-scale thing one can ever do at East Coast Park - the whole Eastern Coastal Park Connector Network (ECPCN)!

well to be honest that didn't feel all that challenging then, since we did 20km in 2 hrs on 2 Jan.

furthermore, I ever did the Siglap part and knew practically the whole route (usually because I go around the East part of Singapore a lot more).

so it felt short.

THEN AGAIN, i have a very bad habit of grossly underestimating distance (remember my "stone's throw"?).

So it was really very very long.

Yes and there were many many weird moments:
1) The infamous overhead bridge across Bedok North Road (which left everyone swearing after that (and it was just 40 minutes into the whole thing!))
2) Gravel on Bedok Reservoir which taught everyone the importance of changing gear
3) Jiggy's pillar-holding/pillar-swaying right outside Tampines
4) Chain Screw-up Part 1 (KC banging onto pillar at Tampines)
5) Jerald's camera thingy (lost near the place in (4))
6) RAIN (part1) and cycling through the middle of Pasir Ris HDB estate
7) Jiggy's button-pressing (or lack thereof) at a junction crossing
8) Jun Sheng's hunger whines at the super-windy-and-damn-high-tide Pasir Ris Park
9) KC's up-slope lag near Downtown East
10) RAIN (part2) and epic chionging-thru in Loyang
11) Chain Screw-up Part 2 (Kenneth trying to go fast) near (10)
12) Jiggy getting stuck around Changi Village after taking the wrong turn around a tree o.0
13) Me walking into Changi Village Food Court with a bike
14) Nice TALL waves at Changi Beach Park
15) THE TREES AT CHANGI BEACH PARK ARE SOOO <3!
16) Epic 6+km straight road along Changi Airport!
17) Chain Screw-up Part 3 + RAIN (part3) just before the bend.
18) Everyone getting owned by the rain.
19) Jerald's tyre screwup at East Coast Park.

everyone was tired lah, but it was FUN. as in not that we intend to go another time till our minds turn bad, but it was a rather new experience.

Jaycycling anyone?

a visit back to the present/past.

2009-01-10T20:08:00.007+08:00

went back to my alma mater (yes RI's my alma mater now!) yesterday to help out (or rather, slack around and talk cock and gossip) at Raffles Trail (or Trial, depending on how one sees it.).

swarms of sec 1s came and left the classrooms, some fat, some short, some noisy, some cute, but all sec 1s about to embark on a 4-year journey.

that reminded me about my life in RI, as a student, exploring the different and varied niches of our very diverse school.

was also introduced to a new teacher-i.c.. She's new to the school, and teaches geog.

And that, the fact that she teaches geog, just hit me.

That I'll be missing all the Geog lessons I had for the past 4 years, and in addition to that, all my Bio lessons and Jap lessons.

I always had a soft spot for these 3 subjects. Geog, partly because I was a minority in my history-dominated class (and I really like geog!), Bio because I actually like Bio a slight tad more than Physics (ooo surprise.), and Jap because it was really cool to take a subject that 90% of the population quit after at most 2 years.

For me, that particular sunset scene I see on the MRT everytime at the bend before Simei MRT Station never fails to remind me of the past 4 years after 3rd lang. Nearly every time, I would be on the MRT, reaching Simei at 5.30 pm, seeing the exact same view and the exact same sunset every week for the past 4 years.

So on that day when I stood at my favourite corner of the MRT, seeing that exact same sunset, I just, I dunno, started emoing. Really, to think that I would never go for a single 3rd lang lesson again, it hit me hard.

And then right after the whole thing, I walked out off that classroom (incidentally the classroom besides the ChemRA classroom), past the ChemRA classroom and stared at the classroom besides the ChemRA classroom.

I dunno why, but I just felt the need to go to that classroom again.

So my legs (magically/subconsciously) moved me here:

I pushed down and pulled the handle I pulled so many times the past year, and stepped in.

Waves and waves of memories flooded my brain. The project room and HY/Tjeng/Jie Liang/Jinghui's PRPP conquests, Jun Sheng's pencil case and Jerald/Kenneth throwing it around the class during recess, the aircon and someone's failed karate attempts at the button, the center of class and KC's F1 question...

It's amazing how even me, the guy who used this class least, could hold so much memories of this place.

I glanced at the imprints we left behind, footprints which were the products of one good PRPP game, marks of "deforestation", bloodstains on the door (look carefully at the picture on the top. yeah it was my fault D=), imprints of memories that just continuously replayed in my mind.

I couldn't bear it any longer.

youtube symphony orchestra

2009-01-07T22:14:00.003+08:00

I remembered Time's Man of the Year selection for 2006 when I saw this. I thought then when I saw it, that it was dumb, stupid, a waste of space when 2006 brought along much more great people who were more deserving of the award.

Yes, "YOU" were Time's Man of the Year 2006.

"And for seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, TIME's Person of the Year for 2006 is you. "

Now I finally understood the significance of that choice. I dare say it's one heck of a good choice.

http://www.youtube.com/symphony

It's precisely because of the power of the Internet that's why we even have such a collaboration. Where even in the poorest of regions, in the most desolate of areas, someone with talent, with passion and skill can make his/her way to Carnegie Hall.

It's less of the music than the power of the Internet, really. To be honest his work isn't that great, but I like the whole idea of it, that people around the world perform a work online.

Now, music truly has no borders.

2009: the start

2009-01-02T22:45:00.003+08:00

wow the 1st 2 days of 2009/last 2 days of 2008 were fun! and somehow they were spent with friends =D

spent those 4 days being random and talking a lot of nonsensical stuff with people, which included ushering in the new year listening to music that totally didn't fit the mood, staying up till 5+ am, playing this new version of Texas Hold 'em Poker which involved the capitalists (Japan, Singapore, Germany, France, USA - guessable by 3rd lang and some circumstances) against the communists (Cuba, North Korea, North Vietnam), playing other random games like bridge and weird bimbo moments.

and since i just felt so guilty, thanks kenneth for lumpy.

(lol that totally didn't make sense did it?)

today was fun - cycling (or for some people, waking up, missing the bus-stop and walking for 2km) at ECP!
we were fretting about the weather for some time, till:
tony: jinghui so imba lah, if he screams at the sky the weather will turn good.
someone (impersonating jinghui): "screw you lah"!

Yeah thanks for keeping the weather good. =D

lol we had like 3 champions today - one who lost his way, one who lost his bag (but luckily found it) and one who lost a lot of time eating.

pity we only had 2 hours, or else we might have been able to go all the way to changi coastal park. no matter, we went to changi airport though!

*stares at jerald and starts wondering how long jerald will take to upload the photos*

err yeah it so rocks not needing to go back to school yet! just that i think we got some uncomfortable stares (at least I did, on the bus).

2009 smells good!

2008.

2008-12-29T21:29:00.003+08:00

I guess it's the time (despite my previous post) to post the customary end-of-year post, despite it only being the 364th day of the year (I doubt I'll post much anyway, seeing I'm going out to codA 4 tomorrow and countdown-ing the day after.)

Yeah 2008.

On a more global level, I guess this passage by Miyazaki Hayao (director of gosh - Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea - I WANT TO WATCH! IT'S SO KAWAIIIII NEH!) sums up this year globally:

"2008年夏、日本だけでなく世界の人々が自信を失い、経済政策の行き詰まり、食糧や原油価格の高騰、地球の温暖化問題など、解決の糸口さえ見つけられず、不安を抱きながら漫然と生きている現代。"

erm for the non-japanese people you can roughly read the chinese words to get a general feeling.

true enough, 2008 hasn't been a good year globally, what with milk powder, nargis, 512, mugabe, south ossetia, kosovo, shoes, palin and subprime (how can anyone forget?!).

but it has been fun. that 1/2-month respite from all the crap we had in august (Olympics duh.) showed the limits (or lack of) of the human body, and many stuff (like Rudd's Lost Generations speech) showed that 2008 was an unforgettable year. and of course, barack hussein obama.

but of course, on a more personal level:
erm the following extract was taken from a post nearly 1 year ago, at the start of 2008:

cheers to us surviving a year full of crap, bullets and bombs.

now to the gruesome year: 2008.

to think that even b4 we start, i'm feeling stressed out.

test (on 红楼梦) like soon. more crap, double Os.

i look forward to this time next year, much more than looking forward to tomorrow. well, that's with preparing $10 this time next year.

Bolded line for emphasis.

Yeah it's truly amazing how I could even think about skipping 2008 (as i remembered), how i even dared to wish that 2008 would be totally gruesome.

it has been magnificent.

what with 4B'08, all my friends, RISE, chemRA/maffRA/4ABCH/J4.11 etc. and a whole string of stuff which happened to me, I would willingly repeat 2008 again, do the same 红楼梦 test again and over again, relax and let free in the company of my friends.

True, it has been gruelling, not least because of all my commitments (which are to be honest significantly less than some others), not least because of one terrible mistake, not least because of all the horrid weeks I spent, either with one or 2 friends in RI at 11pm pushing timpanis back to band room, or term3 week9-10 (which was downright the worst fortnight ever in my life).

But without 2008 I wouldn't be that close to a lot of classmates, a lot of CCA mates, a lot of other batchmates and people. And the experiences I have had with them are (as MasterCard puts it) priceless.

So thanks, and thanks so much, to everyone that I have known this past year. I don't wish to mention names lest I miss some deserving people, but I guess you know what you did to someone insignificant like me, and when you think I'm referring to you it's definitely you I'm referring to.

This whole year, without some people, would be a bore. Some people made friends, and very good ones now (I hope), with me, hanging out without fail with us, having fun gossiping and bi*ching, from a coffeeshop to a house. Some people helped me so much, being there for me whenever I needed slave labour, and willingly chatting with me whenever we went home together. Some people guided me many times, even in the bleakest of times, through all the demands placed on us, giving us advice, some nuggets of wisdom here and there. Some people, even if I didn't really know that well, chatted and gossiped with me, sometimes for hours on end (be it face-to-face or MSN), making my life more bearable especially during the boring times and the nasty times. Some people just brightened my day each time I talked to them, be it about buzzers or out-of-tune notes.

thanks. really.

2008 was wow.

here's hoping for a BETTER 2009!

(and my $10 too.)

shock.

2008-12-28T20:04:00.002+08:00

i was planning to do either a post on patrick's house and/or a wrap-up on the year 2008 yesterday night, but something else happened which affected me rather much, and because of that i had some problems falling asleep.

there's perhaps a good reason why i like shostakovich so much despite how his music is not easy on the ears (indeed, his VC no.2 is very hard on the ears on 1st listening).

an excerpt from a nice book (Shostakovich: A Life Remembered) i'm reading now:
"But what struck me most was his (Shostakovich's) parting phrase: 'Be yourself. Don't be afraid of being yourself. My wish for you is that you should continue on your own, incorrect way.'" - Sofiya Gubaidulina, composer

Indeed, Shostakovich was really one person who was truly himself, and I admire his 5th symphony, not only for its musical merits, but for his real courage and bravery. There's something blatantly honest about his works (especially his quartets) that just cries out to everyone out there.

Despite the Soviet Party's threats (and defying them usually meant death) he managed to stay true, honest to himself and his own ideologies, not bending down to what others demanded of him and be a lackey of the Party (unlike many other disgusting composers), and produce a wonderful piece of music.

Guess you can read it up here.

Shostakovich is really wonderful, really. A pure soul amidst the evils of society.

nessun dorma

2008-12-23T20:48:00.003+08:00

ok yeah christmas is coming, and really guys we should just ignore all that's going on in our egroups.

that's my stand.

err anyway on a more sombre note, juxtaposing christmas carols with shostakovich is NOT a very good idea. it makes you feel very lonely and sad and whatnot. seriously.

in fact shostakovich alone does that. but putting the carols in heightens that feeling by a lot.

anyway.

you know, christmas (as in the gift-giving tradition) is a season of wishing and getting your dreams right?

yeah there's this wonderful story i read about (i know i'm most probably lagging behind, but well.) and heard, about this wonderful guy called paul potts.

he won the 1st season of Britain's "Got Talent" contest last year SINGING OPERA.

really, for someone like him who dreamt big, and was so passionate in achieving his dream (he spent £12k on vocal lessons!), he really deserved this victory.

his rendition of Nessun Dorma (None shall sleep tonight - an aria from Puccini's Turandot) isn't the best (of course Pavarotti gets the honours) but seriously, he has talent and the heart.

wow.

shoes

2008-12-21T22:16:00.002+08:00

ok to be honest there were possibly only 2 great things this week:

1 - kenneth's birthday celebration

2 - bush and the shoe.

since i've already talked about (1), i should now talk about (2).

(rant)
for those who have been on a plane for 7 days and counting, bush *nearly* got hit in the face by 2 shoes, and for the record: bush: "it's a size 10."

anyway i was o.0 when i heard it, and i must say the responses throughout the world were quite cool.

whenever such a political event happens, there's bound to be:

1) a game/website set up based on it, which sells very soon and sells for VERY high.

2) protests. who doesn't love them?

3) abuse. errr it's quite straightforward right? poor journalist.

i was trying to argue with kc when we were walking back to kenneth's house on tues about bush, and AS USUAL kc tried to defend him, albeit vaguely and not very strongly (in light of kc's habit of being politically-correct i shall credit jerald han for his wonderful translations BACK to english.)

it's an interesting thing, the few minority who actually support bush. somehow they seem blinded by whatever he did during 9/11 and 9/11 ONLY. indeed, he actually has one of the craziest approval ratings, ranging from nearly 90% in the direct aftermath of 9/11 to approx. 20~% now.

who wants a world leader who:
1) Destroys the earth.
2) Lies to his countrymen and kills 2000+ countrymen
3) Made enemies with practically half or more of the globe
4) Actually brought America into a net deficit
5) Can't even speak properly.

well credit goes to him for having cat-like reflexes.

really that journalist is gonna be made a hero, a nationwide, even worldwide hero for what he has done.

pity his shoes were size 10. if it were smaller it would have went faster and it might have hit bush.

(rant/)

red-nosed reindeers

2008-12-17T15:17:00.002+08:00

ok this post is fragmented.

but before that, for the nth time, happy birthday kenneth!

anyway i just spent 20 wonderful hours (+3 more if you count sleep) having fun and being mad (which i always am, so.) celebrating kenneth's birthday (which slowly turned into us being treated by kenneth's family -.-)

doing this in chronological order:
16 Dec, 1.30 pm - 6.30 pm

YES I WENT KBOX. ok? fine? (it's against my own morals but so.)

(imagine lumpy with a mic and singing pop.)

but to be honest i didn't really have much of a choice did i? so we went to marina square kbox, the 8 of us (edward jerald jieliang jinghui junsheng kengchee kenneth me), and went to SING POP.

evidently i faked through a lot of songs i was forced to sing, and yeah the experience wasn't as bad as i thought it would be (although at some points in time i was quite bored but well.), cause i did have some fun too.

and i realised that the 8 ppl's music tastes are quite skewed. at least, there were clear chinese-pop people and english-pop people.

so those in the chinese-pop club (edward jieliang junsheng kengchee) had fun while the english-pop people (jerald jinghui) stoned, and vice versa. kenneth was singing both like crazy and i was stoning there like crazy.

actually recognised some songs there (and could even sing too!) cause it was like super-old (stuff like Chasing Cars, 木乃伊 etc). to be honest it's VERY easy to sing pop even if you haven't heard it before. by the 2nd chorus i could sing the chorus like some normal guy with sub-par singing (and anyway it's easy to guess notes/harmony), and since lyrics are provided it wasn't difficult unlike what i thought.

just that im sorry im very unlikely to step into a kbox room ever.

(yeah and did i say i left in protest of one song? it was s.h.e.'s 不想长大, the song that plagarised and vulgarised mozart's 40th.)

6.30 pm - 9 pm

dinner at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao, which was downright the cheapest location near there. each of us (excl. kenneth) paid at most $14, which really makes cafe cartel look like money-grabbers in comparison.

yeah the food was not too bad lah, just that patrick the greedy (who came for dinner and stayed onwards) decided that his tummy needed more and saw food around him, and thus he ate. whether or not the food was someone else's didn't really matter. (or did it?) =D

9 pm - 11.30 pm

went to kenneth's house for stayover, and didn't do much here, except for 1/2 a round of jieliang's board game - Citadels (WHICH IS VERY VERY VERY VERY fun i tell you.)

11.30 pm - 5 am

Oh all the fun started here lah. 1/2 an hour of eating fondue (kengchee was like "WOW" cause he saw bananas.), and as usual patrick helped himself to quite a bit of marshmallows. while eating we were bi*ching like mad, about teachers, students and whatnot.

while doing so we learnt something:

politically-correct translation courses, proudly sponsored by chew keng chee, the EVER-SO-POLITICALLY-CORRECT guy.

it was VERY funny, on one hand we had keng chee, and on another we had jerald+jinghui doing all the rebuttals, so it got quite hilarious at times.

then when we got bored we played cards (standard.) and edward won the exciting game with 3 As! o.0

then jieliang and i played 2-player citadels, and mind you it was like the BEST THING EVER.

citadels is essentially this game where you get to pick characters for special abilities so that you can build more districts and get more gold. the very very fun part about it is the mind-reading and the psychological battles/mind games, which jieliang and i played like crazy! ohhh i love that part, cause you have to come up with many strategies to make sure you are foolproof, and to guess what your opponents are gonna do.

immediately after the match both of us were like, WOW. cause the game was freaking good!

kengchee joined in to play 3-player citadels and he also went off saying his brain hurt like mad cause of all the mind-reading he had to do. really this game should be played more often.

then was a 2nd session of bi*ching all the way till 5 am, which was quite fun actually.

sleep came and I GOT THE REINDEER! (for only a few seconds before kenneth snatched lumpy away from lumpy - get it? =D)

5 am - 8 am

sleep.
just like what patrick always does.

8 am - 12 noon
breakfast and cake cutting (my stomach was pmsing as bad as junsheng's voice). and wow kenneth's house actually has the whole (WHOLE.) set of beethoven's piano sonatas! i was like *staring in shock* when i saw it.

jerald joined us for 4-player citadels, yeah wasn't that taxing on the brain but still very fun.

some random games before we left, including polar bear.

with these kind of stuff it's not a surprise everyone wants another outing soon.

and i'm looking forward to it!

on flying

2008-12-13T20:46:00.003+08:00

hmm my house is in a big mess now. painting works making my house smell (ok not really), but anyway i don't have a laptop so i might disappear for a few days as i proceed to demolish my comp.

ok not so drastic lah.

anyway we kinda decided on some changes to this tuesday's schedule which left me quite pleased, as in really pleased, unlike yesterday's post. yeah although i accidentally think i leaked a bit out to kenneth though, so don't scold me ah.

anyway i've been caught up with the idea of flying and going overseas (anyway eugene bon voyage to uk!).

something interesting:

do you know singapore is in fact in the wrong timezone? quite a few years back s'pore had GMT+7.30, and since malaysia changed to GMT+8 (because of east malaysia), singapore followed suit as well.

anyway that kinda explains why the sun is hottest at around 1 and not 12, and how the sun rises at >6 and sets that late too. we're in actual fact supposed to be GMT+7 (refer thailand and sumatra eg.) so it's quite weird.

but then again it's nice to be 1 more hour ahead of the rest of the world! =D

and anyway that time to newyork jeremysia asked me whether we were going to newark or jfk.

now i see the significance.

apparently singapore airlines' flight from changi - newark is the LONGEST in the world! 18hr 45m i think, and it flies you above the polar bears! so cool, you get to see the midnight sun if you travel in june! (pity we went sin-fra-jfk and not sin-ewr, or else. but then again frankfurt is quite nice, i had quite nice memories of that airport.)

ahh i want to travel.

the week

2008-12-12T18:59:00.002+08:00

yeah and 1 week has come to a close, and i'm not proud at all that this has been my least productive week of the whole year.

in fact the only day even near productive was on Wednesday, where we (the 4B peeps) went out for badminton + lunch + mind cafe.

you learn a lot about people when you play badminton. for one, you NEVER like pairing up with keng chee. he owns it so badly you just sit there and sulk at how much you suck compared to him and think that you are a waste of resources and space whenever you cause kc to lose a point.

for two, kenneth is a big bully (at least towards me). he hits v. high back court shots that cause me to backpedal/jump and still miss, and gloats at my demise after that. even shneg isn't that bad - he at least hits quite a lot of front court shots. yeah just because you're tall doesnt mean you can bully others -.-

and then mind cafe (don't talk about lunch, or shneg will start emoing and crying o.0) was a generally nice place. my 1st time! anyway settlers of catan is really a nice game (pity people were rushing us to finish the game, cause it took easily >1h).

anyway i spent a good portion of today finding out the good games in mind cafe, and seems like there are 2 games i quite fancy - scotland yard and shadow over camelot. pity both take an eternity to play i think (never tried them before, but went to read the rules - it sounds quite good!).

anyway yeah now that i think of it, i kinda dread next tues (no offence, serious!). i hope i'm not releasing too much here, but the thought of it really puts me off. period. then again if the rest (esp. kenneth) enjoys it i'll be fine with it, although i much rather scoot off to esplanade library to do the "same" thing.

yeah i mean if it's for supporting my friends i really don't mind going for it you know. on grad nite when xD was performing i know of some people who left the hall. i didn't. only because it was my friends (yeah eugene) who were performing and i could feel them performing with effort, so i chose to be excited, although i'm not too sure whether the music was agreeable with me.

the more i think the more i feel that i really can't stand pop.

(and i'm listening to brahms' piano concerto 1 now.)

hmm maybe i MIGHT just sing on tuesday, in an effort to become more tolerable towards pop. but seriously it's ok with me i think. anyway there's always a 1st time.

200th post

2008-12-07T19:05:00.002+08:00

WHY OH WHY MUST MY 200th POST BE ABOUT THIS.

fine.

anyway as per ALL foreign language certification exams, the listening only serves to kill.

so.

jlpt listening was pure bliss, hearing the wonderful phrases gliding over my mind blissfully, as I sat there enjoying the wonderful chat and being oblivious to everything that went around me.

INCLUDING THE TEST.

so.

maybe a dice would score better than me.

=(

an addition to the previous post

2008-12-05T21:08:00.003+08:00

ok seems that i do need to post.

1. i got the RA call, and got chemaff. but that's not the point. seriously. the point is

a- there are 87 slots for both chemaff, so some people who claimed that they screwed up/thought they found it too difficult even when they're from ra and go for some national competition WILL get in i assure you. if you don't get in i'll camp outside rjc ra office tmr with you with my jap textbooks =D

the 2nd point, and the happiest point, is that they will be adopting the standard RI way of grouping classes. There will be the ABCD classes (just that it's more), and within the ABCD classes will be the RA peeps + the godly non-ra peeps. WHICH MEANS, 4B'08 won't disappear! =D=D=D=D=D

ok i'm mad.

2. i see that this long post of mine below (read please!) has garnered quite a lot of views and comments. that's nice. anyway the point was that I have tried out some certain forms of music, and personally I chose classical since I saw weaknesses in pop music, some of them too much for me to bear. Anyway note that many classical pieces are absolute music, meaning that they have no other meaning OTHER than music, so a lot of them don't have love in it (in fact very few have it, besides the odd schubert and schumann etc.).

Just recently got addicted to vaughan williams' symphonies (i love his 5th!) and I read this comment VW had to say with regards to some people's comments that his symphonies had an extra-musical meaning in them:

He says, in the preface to the score of his 6th symphony, that "it never seems to occur to people that a man might want to write just a piece of music."

so, in short, many pieces of classical music have no extra-musical association with it, which indeed pulls people off. but i beg to differ.

case in point #1 - brahms.
look at him, the eternal classicist that believes that liszt and wagner's idea of tone poems/music dramas were crap. he wrote absolute music, or so he said.

now raise your hand if you don't like A SINGLE PIECE OF BRAHMS' MUSIC.

i'll feed klieber's symphony #4 and/or oistrakh/klemperer's violinconcerto and/or gilels/jochum's pianoconcertos and/or oistrakhrostropovich/szell's doubleconcerto to you and see whether you still say no.

i'll feed you to the pigs if you still say no.

=D

to be honest, all forms of music evoke feelings. even if they don't portray something extra-musical (which was supposed to be the case till liszt had to come, but thank him for Don Juan and the Ring =D), and it's just i hear the SAME BLARDY FEELINGS IN 90% of pop music.

i'm sorry nearly every of them talk about love.

whereas in mahler's 9 alone you hear billions of stuff. how life goes to death, then rebirth, then death again, then sardonic humour, then ghostly music, then tender outpouring of love, then acceptance. within that 70+ minutes you hear something you CAN'T ever hear in pop.

that's just clarifying matters.

anyway more healthy discussion please! i'm bored of mugging jap. and anyway DON'T WORRY YOU PEEPS I EXPECT TO SEE YOU IN RA NEXT YEAR OR I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE AND NOT TAKE JLPT ON SUNDAY =D

a discourse on pop music

2008-12-04T18:23:00.002+08:00

ok breaking apart from my past (x) posts on blogging on events, i have decided to do a little de-stresser ahead of my jlpt 2 (which i will fail anyway.).

constructive criticism always welcome, and NOTE: this is in no way insulting the genre of pop music, merely stating its flaws. hope you give some comments on this post.

a discourse on pop music.

I guess many of the readers of this blog (not much, it seems) would know that the owner of this blog has a, should I say, very intriguing selection of music he listens to. Refer to the right, and you'll see weird names like prokofiev, mahler, whom you perhaps may never have heard of (or do I underestimate my audience?)

I am here not to label everyone else as mad and crazy and that I am the only correct person and that you should all convert to classical-music-ism (do I look Stalinish? =.=). Rather, I am here to defend my reasons for not listening to pop music, and give reasons (not rubbishy ones I hope) for my very intriguing selection of music.

I am a very logical person (sometimes my brain breaks down too, so I am very crazy at times), so I decide on everything after thinking it through carefully. So, if you ever get the (mis)fortune of going out shopping (CDs duh. what else? besides the chem textbooks.) with me, be prepared to kiss goodbye to like, at least 2 hours of your time.

That's why I decided on classical music.

OK to cut the long story short, I was an avid fan of pop music in my early Secondary School days. I remember vividly listening to some Jay Chou piece in Sec 1 and spamming it repeatedly on Youtube (dunno why I never bought one of those albums), and one piece I remember now was Linkin Park's Numb (correct me if I am wrong, because my RAM has been filled with Japanese.)

So, I was as normal as most people are.

I shall continue to shame myself more by announcing to the world that I never cared much for classical music in Sec 1 and 2. It seemed very natural to me then that I would take Japanese (AND STUDY LIKE CRAZY FOR A TEST THIS SUNDAY AND WASTE S$47 SINCE I AM GOING TO FAIL ANYWAY.) over music, but now even that ant crawling over the Mahler score I borrowed weeks ago can even tell that it isn't very natural a decision to make. I didn't know the difference between a symphony and a concerto then (I KNOW I'M DISGRACEFUL. anyway I still can't tell the difference between rachmaninoff's symphony 2 and piano concerto 2, other than the fact that they all sound equally beautiful.)

So, in short, I never cared a hoot about classical music then.

ouch.

Back to topic.

Anyway, now I am, with 20:20:31:01 play time on my iTunes, ALL classical. To be honest, I have not yet given up on pop music, and occasionally I do listen to some (as I would call it, forced listening), especially the ones with a certain meaning to the lyrics (which are mainly absent from classical music). So I do remember stuff like Graduation Day (who doesn't?) and some pop here and there, like Bleeding Love (is it? paiseh.)

Just that unlike many others, I have no copy of pop music in any format at all.

Why?

Maybe before I start, I should give a proper background to pop music. Pop music is perhaps the widest-selling music ever, featuring songs (voice + accompaniment which ranges, mainly piano/drumset/guitars) that are usually less than 10 minutes long, which usually has words which concern themselves with romance and feelings. Stemming in America during the 1940s, it is a genre rooted in rock-n-roll, and features an intro-verse-chorus-verse (with different words)-chorus-verse/chorus-outro format.

Its main purpose is to sell well, meaning catchy tunes, lyrics and rythmns (sometimes) are vital to the success of it. Most importantly, it is POPular, meaning that it reaches out to the masses. It eschews musical form and structure, meaning that it is very basic in style and there is little concern to aesthetics.

That's WHAT I don't like about pop music.

Often, people listen to music repeatedly (I'm very sure everyone here has a song in their iTunes that he/she has listened to at least 10 times). I myself am guilty of this (actually it's not something to be guilty about), seeing as my previous iTunes (before the hard disk disaster) had as #1 Brahms' Symphony #4 1st movement, THE Klieber recording, listened to >90 times if I'm not wrong (90 times for a piece that is 12 minutes long just means I'm mad =D).

Everytime I listen to a piece again I usually get new insights. The recent YO concert allowed me to hear Appalachian Spring once more, and I heard something very different from the version that I heard many times (and mind you the version I have is conducted by the composer.). That's the power of classical music that is obviously lacking in pop music. As many people have said before, pieces like Bach's Chaconne (from Partita no.2 in D Minor) can be heard so many times, yet every single time you listen to it you hear something new!

That's clearly something that pop music lacks. The lack of musical form and genius in pop music really warrants for less listening, simply because it wears off you. Yet many classical music pieces can be heard for millions of times and yet you never tire of it, simply because each listening is a discovery.

Another thing I can't stand personally, is the lack of innovation in pop music. Pop music keeps on using the same freaking harmonic progression (or at least very similar), just cause it sounds good. Confess, I'm pretty sure at least 1 or 2 top hits this year alone had a chord progression that reminds you of Pachabel right?

Yeah try hearing that same I V VI III IV I IV V chord progression anywhere in Mahler. Find it, and I'll pay you millions.

(maybe not.)

But you get the idea. Where is the Stravinsky in pop music? Where is the Wagner in pop music? Where is the Schoenberg in pop music? I hear no rhythmic inventions, no 3/16 5/16 2/16 bars unlike Le Sacre, there is no chromaticism (refer to bar 2, TWO, of Wagner's Tristan Prelude), there is simply little toying around with the whole idea of music! Where is 4' 33''? Where is Einstein at The Beach? There is really, A WHOLE LOAD OF REPETITION and no invention at all in pop music!

To be honest, a bit of a bad thing isn't really that bad, I acknowledge. But for me, I have chosen to not listen to pop music, and unless one can reply this with a convincing argument that can change me, it's more and more classical here.

Anyway, just a reminder. I am not against any other form of music per se, it's just that I am against pop. That's all. I don't mind jazz, blues, country, even heavy metal, because they all have more substance than pop. WAY MORE.

(Just that they don't fit me.)

random outings

2008-11-29T21:08:00.002+08:00

so there was rise camp, of which i must say i had a great time hanging out with the juniors after dunno how long. it's always nice to see familiar faces.

and thursday.

and friday.
yeah went for YO concert with 4B people (patrick jerald jieliang junsheng kenneth me), while jerald brought along david and austin.

to be honest the concert had a slightly above-average 1st half and a 2nd half that blew me away. the bruch was nice (good job jonkoh), while saint-saëns was ok lah. khachaturian had energy but somehow something was missing here or there.

copland was just WOW. really. besides the slight rushing (but who cares!). really now that i think about it i know why appalachian spring ranks as one of my top 25 listened-to pieces in my 47GB itunes. really it's a beauty, and it was nice. WONDER HOW SOME PEOPLE CAN SLEEP THROUGH THIS. mug too much delf already ah.

then weinberger blasted us all apart, really. the off-stage trumpets kinda caught me off guard, and the crazy organ (finally someone uses the vch organ! =D) entrance was wow. really, why didn't i ever listen to this before.

and there was of course, a happy christmas and a merry new year, sung by someone's someone. erhem.

so after that we followed jonshin to rochor beancurd (yeah why was it even there in the 1st place, i thought it was supposed to be somewhere near raffles place.) and had some fun there, BESIDES all the nonsense about me.

sometimes i wonder why a class like 4B, the genius class as claimed by teachers and parents and students alike, can contain people who are so deluded into thinking that (shan't say.).

sometimes ah. you must realise that i'm short you know.

yeah.

anyway i need to start mugging JLPT. i realised at the rate i'm going that i'm going to die from under-mugging. so.

rpattachment!

2008-11-25T21:29:00.002+08:00

ok fine, just so that they don't complain,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the 2 other Geoggers in 4B, barry and dennis!

wow they have the same bdae lol.

wonder who the 3rd and last geogger is. :D

anyway i have been relatively inactive on internet mediums cause of 2 things:
1 - rise night game, which is tmr night (aka im staying overnight there.)
2 - rp attachment (material sci) with the 3 other in-singapore-and-not-yet-mentioned 4BchemRA people.

it's fun really. BESIDES the grain/brain thing and whatnot.

so we spent ONE whole hour talking just about names, on how genevieve is a cool-sounding french name, how tony should name his daughter (or for that matter anyone whose surname is Li/Lee) Lily Li(Lee) Li Li (lol that's so corny.) and how japanese names just look WEIRD in chinese.

some of the more spectacular names in 4B:
Jerald Han Bojian
Benjamin Yong Zhiyi
Kenneth Yong Zhiyi

wonder what those 3 would have to say.

*feels jerald slapping me*

anyway went to mind cafe on mon RIGHT after rp attachment (which has A LOT OF PLAYTHINGS, including a thing that can stretch your hair, x-ray stuff and human hand bones), and came a BIT too late (no it was just very late =D). it's a nice place leh, and there's even a 20% discount at Safra Tampines!

4B, who wants to go there?

*feels slaps all over*

ouch.

(rant)WHY MUST I BE LIKE THE ONLY PERSON LIVING IN THE FAR EAST IN 4B?(/rant)

should start mugging jlpt, to prove the eoy screw-up was a fluke. =D